APRIL 25 2011 1747 - JACKSONVILLE FL: What a day, and I honestly mean what a day. Monday's are meant to be weird, but for some strange reason, today was a little weirder than most standard Mondays.
It started off fairly. I woke up at my usual time, and was out of the house in plenty of time to catch the bus. The ride into work was uneventful, heck I even had time to compare notes about Tyler Perry with a lady who works in building 200 as we walked onto the campus at work. Stopped to pick up breakfast at buliding 900 before heading in work, again, nothing out of the ordinary. Even the office was fairly peaceful. Perhaps that is why it took me so long to notice what was going on.
From my first phone call of the day, all the way to my last, the confirmation numbers I was producing all had one unique characteristic, the call contained 666. That's right, the Devil has been harrassing me all day.
I really did not detect that to be what was going on until the early afternoon when it suddenly dawned on me. Now, it is not that I am worried, because I am not, for I know who's child I am, but it struck me as interesting to see just how subtly Satan eases his way into our lives. Needless to say, once I discovered that was going on, all sort of stressful events began.
I am a praying man, and because I am, I was able to recognize the situation for what it was. See, I know this to be the outcome of someone praying against me. That person, and I believe I know who it is,but that person is truly a fool. You do not pray harm upon the redeemed of God, but instead you pray for God's blessings on all, and most especially on your enemies. This person is supposed to be learned of the Word, and choosed to used the Word to harm others. That's OK Rev Charles Robinson, I still pray the true blessings of God upon you. God did not create me to be a being of hate, he created me to be an instrument of his love.
Now, as for the meddling off Satan today, my Word is well within my reach, so watch out
Monday, April 25, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Here We Go Again
APRIL 21 2011 0720 - JACKSONVILLE FL: Amazing how there are those who prefer to kick a man while he is down, instead of seeking to pick the man up. Such is the way of the events that are my life.
If you have been following my blog, then you should be aware that I've recently gone through a divorce, one which I elected not to fight for personal and spiritual reasons. You are also aware that the outcome was the State of Florida imposing the maximum child support allowable for my income, and placing a wage attachment on me to ensure they get their money. Again, I did not fight it, and as such I have been paying out more that $1100 a month in Child Support, on top of maintaining health and life insurance for the children, and absorbing 60% of her liabilities. I am OK with that, and it has not been a problem at all. I just learned to make due and eek out my existance based on what was left of my salary.
Imagine my surprise to, when I arrived home after work yesterday, I found a postal notice of a certified letter affixed to my door. The sender was Kenny Law Offices. Thanks to the magic of Google, I was able to determine that Kenny Law Offices is a Family Law Firm in Tallahassee.
I thought to myself as to why they would find the need to send me a certified letter, after all I do not have the fiscal resources to support the retaining of any form of legal counsel. No, this certified letter can only mean one thing, and that is she -the X- is trying to increase the amount of Child Support I am paying.
Bear in mind that I am already paying the state maximum, and the amount left over is barely sufficient to cover my basic living expenses, yet she wants to take even more money from me. In other words, she wants to make sure I will not have money to survive.
Here I am, down on the ground, and she is taking pleasure in kicking me while I am down. Gentleman's rules of combat is not to pummel an opponent who desires not to engage in combat. I am, or have been, resisting engagement because I wish not to emotionally scar the boys; however, that all may change in light of the present set of circumstances.
At this point I am looking to God for guidance and direction. It has now become obvious that Satan is controlling her thoughts and actions. I am a patient man when needed, but as for now my patience is being sorely tested. People kick dogs on the ground, but after a while, the dog bites back. I am like that dog which had been kicked too many times. Fangs are starting to show.
If you have been following my blog, then you should be aware that I've recently gone through a divorce, one which I elected not to fight for personal and spiritual reasons. You are also aware that the outcome was the State of Florida imposing the maximum child support allowable for my income, and placing a wage attachment on me to ensure they get their money. Again, I did not fight it, and as such I have been paying out more that $1100 a month in Child Support, on top of maintaining health and life insurance for the children, and absorbing 60% of her liabilities. I am OK with that, and it has not been a problem at all. I just learned to make due and eek out my existance based on what was left of my salary.
Imagine my surprise to, when I arrived home after work yesterday, I found a postal notice of a certified letter affixed to my door. The sender was Kenny Law Offices. Thanks to the magic of Google, I was able to determine that Kenny Law Offices is a Family Law Firm in Tallahassee.
I thought to myself as to why they would find the need to send me a certified letter, after all I do not have the fiscal resources to support the retaining of any form of legal counsel. No, this certified letter can only mean one thing, and that is she -the X- is trying to increase the amount of Child Support I am paying.
Bear in mind that I am already paying the state maximum, and the amount left over is barely sufficient to cover my basic living expenses, yet she wants to take even more money from me. In other words, she wants to make sure I will not have money to survive.
Here I am, down on the ground, and she is taking pleasure in kicking me while I am down. Gentleman's rules of combat is not to pummel an opponent who desires not to engage in combat. I am, or have been, resisting engagement because I wish not to emotionally scar the boys; however, that all may change in light of the present set of circumstances.
At this point I am looking to God for guidance and direction. It has now become obvious that Satan is controlling her thoughts and actions. I am a patient man when needed, but as for now my patience is being sorely tested. People kick dogs on the ground, but after a while, the dog bites back. I am like that dog which had been kicked too many times. Fangs are starting to show.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
An Opportunity For Growth
APRIL 12 2011 1726 - JACKSONVILLE FL: Today I received some really good news. Not so much from the aspect of my personal life, but more so of my professional life instead.
A few weeks ago, I applied for an opportunity to cross train in the area of Sales. This position is interim and has a life span of any where between four and eight months. Basically it is part of my company's initiative to cross train the current employee base to ready us for transition into a more retail kind of environment.
I applied because, and to be perfectly honest with you, I am getting burned out in my current position. As I explained to my manager, I am reaching burn out. I explained to my manager that I had to move in three year cycles if there is any hope of me maintaining freshness. He completely understood. Nothing like wearing out your highest performing horse, and then expecting to win the Kentucky Derby.
Receiving the news today was like receiving a fresh breath of life. My manager approached me adn asked me to go into a meeting segment. After the customary jokes about whether I should pack my desk out and prepare to hand over my badge - my manger got a kick out of my humor - went into a conference room, where a handfull of my peers were. Every manager in the conference room had smiles on their faces, and that is when they delivered the news.
I have been riding high all day after receiving the news. Here is an opportunity for me to grow, develop and network. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, this is certainly a career enhancing move, and I am ready to embrace what the future has to hold.
God has truly blessed me with the news of this opportunity. I cannot thank him enough. I just pray that I will be able to live up to the expectations that God has for me with this opportunity. I am so tired of failing God, and I certainly do not wish to fail him with this endeavor. God is truly good, all the time, and of all the time God is good.
A few weeks ago, I applied for an opportunity to cross train in the area of Sales. This position is interim and has a life span of any where between four and eight months. Basically it is part of my company's initiative to cross train the current employee base to ready us for transition into a more retail kind of environment.
I applied because, and to be perfectly honest with you, I am getting burned out in my current position. As I explained to my manager, I am reaching burn out. I explained to my manager that I had to move in three year cycles if there is any hope of me maintaining freshness. He completely understood. Nothing like wearing out your highest performing horse, and then expecting to win the Kentucky Derby.
Receiving the news today was like receiving a fresh breath of life. My manager approached me adn asked me to go into a meeting segment. After the customary jokes about whether I should pack my desk out and prepare to hand over my badge - my manger got a kick out of my humor - went into a conference room, where a handfull of my peers were. Every manager in the conference room had smiles on their faces, and that is when they delivered the news.
I have been riding high all day after receiving the news. Here is an opportunity for me to grow, develop and network. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, this is certainly a career enhancing move, and I am ready to embrace what the future has to hold.
God has truly blessed me with the news of this opportunity. I cannot thank him enough. I just pray that I will be able to live up to the expectations that God has for me with this opportunity. I am so tired of failing God, and I certainly do not wish to fail him with this endeavor. God is truly good, all the time, and of all the time God is good.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
After Twenty Nine, I Have Not Forgotten
APRIL 2 2011 0946 - JACKSONVILLE FL: Today marks a special anniversary for me. One that is nearly 3 decades old, and one that has changed the course of my life immensely.
It was April 2, 1982. I was in high school, and a member of the school's Marching and Jazz bands. I was a cocky trumpet player who just knew the world could not tell me crap. Yep, I was certainly Milton's son.
On this day, my school's Jazz Band had a perforance at the Washington Monument. It was part of the Cherry Blossom festival, and it was actually a Friday. The following day the Cherry Blossom parade was scheduled.
Now this jazz band performance was long, and it was extremely warm that day. So, to put it in layman's terms, I was extremely tired afterwards.
We arrived back at school, and I grabbed my trumpet and my flugel horn, and started to walk home. As I said, I was tired, so everything arround me was a blur, all the way until I approached the corner near Banaker Jr High School. That was when I heard it. A little voice that cut through the mass of other garble in the air.
The voice said one word, and that word was my name. So I looked across the street and there she was, this tiny little girl, with two pig tails in her hair. She was wearing blue jeans and a white sweater with stripes. She was also looking at me as if she'd known me for years.
I walked across the street and introduced myself by saying "Ok, you know who I am. Now, who the hell are you?" She giggled slightly and began to tell me how she came to know who I am.
She played clarinet for Shaw Jr High School's marching band, and she saw me when I came into one of their morning practices. I knew her friend, a girl named Phyllis, who I met in October 1981 after the Howard University Homecoming. She said her name is Julie, and she has a twin sister named Julia. If only I have known about Bipolar disorder at that time.
We talked about a variety of things that day. We talked about how to clean her band shoes, and what each band was playing during the parade. The conversation lasted for a more than an hour. We agreed to meet at the McDonalds on Georgia Avenue and Bryant Street after the parade. We exchanged phone numbers. She did not have a pen, so she used eyeliner to write my number down. I thought that was rather cute. From there, we went our separate ways and both headed to our respective homes.
The following day, April 3, we did meet at the McDonalds. It was me and my friend Terry, and she and her friend Phyllis. Julie called herself playing match maker between me and Phyllis. We ate, and talked, and played and teased, you know, typical teenager stuff. During the meeting, her actual sister did come in, only the sister's name was Rebecca. She, Rebecca, was wearing a lavender colored Parka with the hood over her head and zipped, so I could not see her face. Rebecca whispered something to Julie and then left the McDonalds. When I asked Julie if that was Julia, she said no, that is their baby sister. I figured what the heck, and we got back to our conversation. Julie and I kept getting to know one another, while Terry tried to sway Phyllis with his charm. Terry was such a player, cool, but a real player.
After what seemed like a few hours, the four of us left. Terry was going to hang out at my house that night, so we decided to walk the girls home. We walked Phyllis home first. Funny thing was as the four of us walked, Julie was holding my left hand, and Phyllis was holding my right hand. Terry, being the comical individual he was, asked Phyllis if she would like to be my girlfriend. Phyllis answered honestly by saying she was not sure, and at that moment Julie struck while the iron was hot and said to Phyllis "Well, drop his hand then". Phyllis did as she was told, and fate was set at that point.
We arrived at Phyllis's house, and Terry decided to stay there and talk to Phyllis. I walked Julie home, all the way back past the McDonalds, to a street corner that was 2 blocks away from her house. She said she did not want one of the boys on her block to see me because he is a jealous bully. It did not make a bit of difference to me because I knew how to handle muscle headed bullies, but I respected her wishes. We talked for a little while, before we sealed the deal with a key. I gave her a peck on the lips, and she asked me if I have ever french kissed (we called it tongue kissing) a girl. So we kissed again. It never dawned on me to ask how a 13 year old (I was 17 at the time) knew about french kissing in the Early Reagan Era before Cable TV and its flooding of sexual images, so I just went with it.
Walking home, I passed the McDonalds. The president of the High School Band, a cool swagger filled Saxophone master named Eric was eating with his girlfriend. Eric came to the door and asked where I was coming from. I told him that I walked a young lady home. Eric started chiding at me, you know that typical teenager fun picking stuff. Eric asked me if she was my girlfriend, and I responded as of tonight, yes.
Over the course of the 10 years to follow, Julie - who is actually Julia - and I would become one of the most known couples in Washington DC. We would get married, have two children, live in California, and North Carolina before fate would tear us apart. We had a lot of trials, fights, misunderstanding, and - since 1992 - years of silence. We saw each other again in 2005 when I, our daughter and our unborn 2nd Grandchild went to attend the funeral of her father. The years have added pounds to both of us, and life experience has tempered our individual resolves. I married and divorced once more between 1992 and 2005, she'd never married again. A female friend traveled with me to the funeral of my father in law, so I could not tell Julia exactly how my life has not been the same since she and I fell apart.
Despite all that we have been through, Julie (as I still call her to this day) has been a profound influence on my life. Without a doubt, she was the best thing to ever happen to me.
It was April 2, 1982. I was in high school, and a member of the school's Marching and Jazz bands. I was a cocky trumpet player who just knew the world could not tell me crap. Yep, I was certainly Milton's son.
On this day, my school's Jazz Band had a perforance at the Washington Monument. It was part of the Cherry Blossom festival, and it was actually a Friday. The following day the Cherry Blossom parade was scheduled.
Now this jazz band performance was long, and it was extremely warm that day. So, to put it in layman's terms, I was extremely tired afterwards.
We arrived back at school, and I grabbed my trumpet and my flugel horn, and started to walk home. As I said, I was tired, so everything arround me was a blur, all the way until I approached the corner near Banaker Jr High School. That was when I heard it. A little voice that cut through the mass of other garble in the air.
The voice said one word, and that word was my name. So I looked across the street and there she was, this tiny little girl, with two pig tails in her hair. She was wearing blue jeans and a white sweater with stripes. She was also looking at me as if she'd known me for years.
I walked across the street and introduced myself by saying "Ok, you know who I am. Now, who the hell are you?" She giggled slightly and began to tell me how she came to know who I am.
She played clarinet for Shaw Jr High School's marching band, and she saw me when I came into one of their morning practices. I knew her friend, a girl named Phyllis, who I met in October 1981 after the Howard University Homecoming. She said her name is Julie, and she has a twin sister named Julia. If only I have known about Bipolar disorder at that time.
We talked about a variety of things that day. We talked about how to clean her band shoes, and what each band was playing during the parade. The conversation lasted for a more than an hour. We agreed to meet at the McDonalds on Georgia Avenue and Bryant Street after the parade. We exchanged phone numbers. She did not have a pen, so she used eyeliner to write my number down. I thought that was rather cute. From there, we went our separate ways and both headed to our respective homes.
The following day, April 3, we did meet at the McDonalds. It was me and my friend Terry, and she and her friend Phyllis. Julie called herself playing match maker between me and Phyllis. We ate, and talked, and played and teased, you know, typical teenager stuff. During the meeting, her actual sister did come in, only the sister's name was Rebecca. She, Rebecca, was wearing a lavender colored Parka with the hood over her head and zipped, so I could not see her face. Rebecca whispered something to Julie and then left the McDonalds. When I asked Julie if that was Julia, she said no, that is their baby sister. I figured what the heck, and we got back to our conversation. Julie and I kept getting to know one another, while Terry tried to sway Phyllis with his charm. Terry was such a player, cool, but a real player.
After what seemed like a few hours, the four of us left. Terry was going to hang out at my house that night, so we decided to walk the girls home. We walked Phyllis home first. Funny thing was as the four of us walked, Julie was holding my left hand, and Phyllis was holding my right hand. Terry, being the comical individual he was, asked Phyllis if she would like to be my girlfriend. Phyllis answered honestly by saying she was not sure, and at that moment Julie struck while the iron was hot and said to Phyllis "Well, drop his hand then". Phyllis did as she was told, and fate was set at that point.
We arrived at Phyllis's house, and Terry decided to stay there and talk to Phyllis. I walked Julie home, all the way back past the McDonalds, to a street corner that was 2 blocks away from her house. She said she did not want one of the boys on her block to see me because he is a jealous bully. It did not make a bit of difference to me because I knew how to handle muscle headed bullies, but I respected her wishes. We talked for a little while, before we sealed the deal with a key. I gave her a peck on the lips, and she asked me if I have ever french kissed (we called it tongue kissing) a girl. So we kissed again. It never dawned on me to ask how a 13 year old (I was 17 at the time) knew about french kissing in the Early Reagan Era before Cable TV and its flooding of sexual images, so I just went with it.
Walking home, I passed the McDonalds. The president of the High School Band, a cool swagger filled Saxophone master named Eric was eating with his girlfriend. Eric came to the door and asked where I was coming from. I told him that I walked a young lady home. Eric started chiding at me, you know that typical teenager fun picking stuff. Eric asked me if she was my girlfriend, and I responded as of tonight, yes.
Over the course of the 10 years to follow, Julie - who is actually Julia - and I would become one of the most known couples in Washington DC. We would get married, have two children, live in California, and North Carolina before fate would tear us apart. We had a lot of trials, fights, misunderstanding, and - since 1992 - years of silence. We saw each other again in 2005 when I, our daughter and our unborn 2nd Grandchild went to attend the funeral of her father. The years have added pounds to both of us, and life experience has tempered our individual resolves. I married and divorced once more between 1992 and 2005, she'd never married again. A female friend traveled with me to the funeral of my father in law, so I could not tell Julia exactly how my life has not been the same since she and I fell apart.
Despite all that we have been through, Julie (as I still call her to this day) has been a profound influence on my life. Without a doubt, she was the best thing to ever happen to me.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Amazing How People Think I Am Stupid
MARCH 23 2011 2106 - JACKSONVILLE FL: So it goes a little something like this.
So I am sitting at work, talking to my coworkers, when all of a sudden my cell phone rings, well buzzes. I look at the phone and it is a restricted number. A restricted number! Like really? Honestly, like for real? News flash for the slow of mind; if the number is restricted, unlisted, or otherwise unpublished, I don't answer it, Period. If you do not have enough respect for me to call with your number unhidden, then you can treat yourself to the voice mail. Yeah byotch, that is just how I roll.
Now this restricted number called twice while I was at work. As if the idiot did not get the message the first time. Amazing how stupid some people are. I did notice that the brainless scarecrow did not leave a message. Oh well, if that person has time to waste, more power to them.
Now, something even stranger happened. My cell phone rings again, and this time the caller ID is from a woman I dated some years ago. A lady who is now married, and someone I have not spoken to in several months. Yoo-Hoo, retard, you don't think a red flag went up on that one? Two back to back restricted calls followed by a call from someone who I have not spoken to in months? Ok, time for the regional test. Florida: "Hum, she called me. I will text her later", South Carolina: "She calling me, let me call her back now", Inner City DC: "Some Bamma running game". I applied the Inner City DC option, and did not return the call or the text. That was a good thing, because her daughter sent me a text to alert me to a deception. The voice mail left by my friend also indicated she was under duress.
I am glad so many people think I am dumb. Those are the people who I really enjoy screwing with. Here is the deal. My friend and her new husband are probably at a bump in the road (already). New husband either snatches her phone and goes through her address book. He calls every number he thinks might be another man. He treats his wife like an object that he owns instead of a human being. Yeah, that sums it up nicely. In a nutshell, the fool is insecure, and yes I called him a fool. The boy really needs to grow the hell up.
You know, it really is a shame that men feel that they have to terrorize the women they are married to. In that regard, I am glad that I am cut from a different mode. On that notion, the following needs to be said.
Ricky, listen to me and listen to me good. While she and I dated, you interfered and would not rest until we broke up. We did, and the relationship ended. She got together with you. Although we remained friends, we did not take it any further than that, just friends. She announced that the two of you were getting married, and out of respect for you (the respect you did not give me) I backed away and faded into the shadows. She is married to you, and I do not mess with married women, period. Now, with that though in mind, you need to grow up and realize what you have so you do not jack up a good thing. I am staying out of your way because it is not my intent to stick my nose in grown married folks busines. Now, let that sink in for a moment. Now, as for your harrassment, I am going to warn you one time; Back The Hell Off, and do it NOW! I normally give two warnings, but in your case I am making an exception and reducing it to one. Pay attention to your wife, and stop worrying about everybody else.
Now, I am giving you the respect you deserve, and I fully expect you to give me the same. Please do not have us take this to another level. You have a good wife, a really good wife, so you need to fucus all of your attention on her. Man up and be a husband instead of childing down to get embarassed on the play ground.
Ok, I am done for now. The airplanes are back on the flight deck, but they are armed and set to ready alert status. I hope not to have to use them, but I will in response to crisis or other forms of aggression.
So I am sitting at work, talking to my coworkers, when all of a sudden my cell phone rings, well buzzes. I look at the phone and it is a restricted number. A restricted number! Like really? Honestly, like for real? News flash for the slow of mind; if the number is restricted, unlisted, or otherwise unpublished, I don't answer it, Period. If you do not have enough respect for me to call with your number unhidden, then you can treat yourself to the voice mail. Yeah byotch, that is just how I roll.
Now this restricted number called twice while I was at work. As if the idiot did not get the message the first time. Amazing how stupid some people are. I did notice that the brainless scarecrow did not leave a message. Oh well, if that person has time to waste, more power to them.
Now, something even stranger happened. My cell phone rings again, and this time the caller ID is from a woman I dated some years ago. A lady who is now married, and someone I have not spoken to in several months. Yoo-Hoo, retard, you don't think a red flag went up on that one? Two back to back restricted calls followed by a call from someone who I have not spoken to in months? Ok, time for the regional test. Florida: "Hum, she called me. I will text her later", South Carolina: "She calling me, let me call her back now", Inner City DC: "Some Bamma running game". I applied the Inner City DC option, and did not return the call or the text. That was a good thing, because her daughter sent me a text to alert me to a deception. The voice mail left by my friend also indicated she was under duress.
I am glad so many people think I am dumb. Those are the people who I really enjoy screwing with. Here is the deal. My friend and her new husband are probably at a bump in the road (already). New husband either snatches her phone and goes through her address book. He calls every number he thinks might be another man. He treats his wife like an object that he owns instead of a human being. Yeah, that sums it up nicely. In a nutshell, the fool is insecure, and yes I called him a fool. The boy really needs to grow the hell up.
You know, it really is a shame that men feel that they have to terrorize the women they are married to. In that regard, I am glad that I am cut from a different mode. On that notion, the following needs to be said.
Ricky, listen to me and listen to me good. While she and I dated, you interfered and would not rest until we broke up. We did, and the relationship ended. She got together with you. Although we remained friends, we did not take it any further than that, just friends. She announced that the two of you were getting married, and out of respect for you (the respect you did not give me) I backed away and faded into the shadows. She is married to you, and I do not mess with married women, period. Now, with that though in mind, you need to grow up and realize what you have so you do not jack up a good thing. I am staying out of your way because it is not my intent to stick my nose in grown married folks busines. Now, let that sink in for a moment. Now, as for your harrassment, I am going to warn you one time; Back The Hell Off, and do it NOW! I normally give two warnings, but in your case I am making an exception and reducing it to one. Pay attention to your wife, and stop worrying about everybody else.
Now, I am giving you the respect you deserve, and I fully expect you to give me the same. Please do not have us take this to another level. You have a good wife, a really good wife, so you need to fucus all of your attention on her. Man up and be a husband instead of childing down to get embarassed on the play ground.
Ok, I am done for now. The airplanes are back on the flight deck, but they are armed and set to ready alert status. I hope not to have to use them, but I will in response to crisis or other forms of aggression.
A Date The Will Live In, Whatever
MARCH 23 2011 0640 - JACKSONVILLE FL: Here we are, the 23rd day of March, a date that will be forever etched into my memory, and unfortunately not tied to a pleasent memory.
This day would have marked four years of marriage, had it lasted. It is funny, but someone once said to me that only a fool would mess up a good friendship by getting married. That person was sort of right, but I think he overlooked one fundamental fact, that being if the friendship were really true, then nothing in the world would have tore it apart.
I know that to be true because I encounter, even to this day, friends who have been good wholesome friends from years ago who remember the good times as they were yesterday. With that thought in mind, I should question the friendship that I thought existed prior to this day four years ago. As it stands now, this is my third failed marriage, and I am beginning to wonder if marriage was ever meant to be for me.
What is very funny is the fact that my longest lasting marriage happened to be my first. What is ironic in that my first marriage was the most drama filled of the three. Now I clearly not saying that I need to be in a relationship full of drama, because to be perfectly honest with you, I deplore drama. Instead, I prefer a balanced relationship. That's right, I believe that no one party in the relationship should be overly dependent on the other. I also believe that conversation, if not the full foundation, is a major part of the foundation on which any successful relationship is built.
I can say that out of three mariages, conversation - true conversation - was not found in either. In fact, in my last marriage my now ex-wife preferred to mumble rather than hold an intelligent conversation. Regardless of what the topic may have been. It was as if I was talking to a three year old. Well, in fairness, I have had better conversations with three year olds, but that is neither hear nor there. At the heart of the matter is this one fundamental fact, in the absence of communication relationships fail. With that prevailing thought in mind, I desire a relationship where communication, regardles of the nature, exists. I don't think that is asking for too much.
I am a rather complex individual, and I know that to be true. I have often mused that I am the most complex person I have ever met. That circular reference yeilds a lot of merrit, and it is indisputable. I don't find my complexity to be a handicap, but rather more of a strength. All I have to do now is find someone with a compatible level of complexity, and thus far, I have not been so fortunate.
This day would have marked four years of marriage, had it lasted. It is funny, but someone once said to me that only a fool would mess up a good friendship by getting married. That person was sort of right, but I think he overlooked one fundamental fact, that being if the friendship were really true, then nothing in the world would have tore it apart.
I know that to be true because I encounter, even to this day, friends who have been good wholesome friends from years ago who remember the good times as they were yesterday. With that thought in mind, I should question the friendship that I thought existed prior to this day four years ago. As it stands now, this is my third failed marriage, and I am beginning to wonder if marriage was ever meant to be for me.
What is very funny is the fact that my longest lasting marriage happened to be my first. What is ironic in that my first marriage was the most drama filled of the three. Now I clearly not saying that I need to be in a relationship full of drama, because to be perfectly honest with you, I deplore drama. Instead, I prefer a balanced relationship. That's right, I believe that no one party in the relationship should be overly dependent on the other. I also believe that conversation, if not the full foundation, is a major part of the foundation on which any successful relationship is built.
I can say that out of three mariages, conversation - true conversation - was not found in either. In fact, in my last marriage my now ex-wife preferred to mumble rather than hold an intelligent conversation. Regardless of what the topic may have been. It was as if I was talking to a three year old. Well, in fairness, I have had better conversations with three year olds, but that is neither hear nor there. At the heart of the matter is this one fundamental fact, in the absence of communication relationships fail. With that prevailing thought in mind, I desire a relationship where communication, regardles of the nature, exists. I don't think that is asking for too much.
I am a rather complex individual, and I know that to be true. I have often mused that I am the most complex person I have ever met. That circular reference yeilds a lot of merrit, and it is indisputable. I don't find my complexity to be a handicap, but rather more of a strength. All I have to do now is find someone with a compatible level of complexity, and thus far, I have not been so fortunate.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Ok, So Like, What's Next?
MARCH 22 2011 0643 - JACKSONVILLE FL: It is a mad, oh so truly mad world that we live in, and the funny thing is, I seem to be one who almost accepts the madness.
So, what happened recently? Well, the United States, France and the UK attacked Libya over the weekend, I believe the first round was fired on Friday March 18th. Tomahawk Cruise Missiles, such a wonderful weapon. Needless to say Gadhafi is not very pleased. That's what he gets for thinking my President is his homeboy. Personally, I would have finished the job in 1986, but that is just me.
Oh, AT&T buys T-Mobile. How is that for serving Verizon a serious wake up call? That one move will position AT&T to be the largest mobile carrier in the United States, although their stocks have not seemed to move much over the past couple of trading days. Still, it is a ballsy move, and AT&T sure proved that they have a pretty big set. Now, does that mean I will go running back to AT&T? Oh, yeah right, like what the heck ever.
Heard there was an earthquake in South Carolina this morning. It was only a magnitude 2.0, but come on, it really does not take a lot to shake South Carolina up. Still, I am curious. There was the earthquake in Washington DC, I believe it was a small like 2.0 magnitude as well, and now the one in South Carolina. Seems like the shake rattle and roll is working its way down the eastern seaboard. Could the next stop be Florida? To borrow a famous phrase from the Hep Cat Days of Harlem, 'One Never Know, Do One?'.
So, here I am this morning, preparing to embark on another adventure with the Blues. You know, I am almost wondering if God is sending me a message of sorts. Let me explain why I am saying this.
You know how it is when it seems no matter what you do, or how hard you try, everyone else is getting ahead, and often on the merits of what you have done? Recently, and I would like to think that I am merely over reacting, but it seems as if regardless of what I do at work, I am walking into that same brick wall. It runs from ceiling to floor and wall to wall, ergo, no way up, no way down, no way end no way around, it is just there. I feel as if my talents are going to waste. Sure, people come to me the solve their issues, and when I do, they take the credit. In short, I have become a corporate prostitute simply being pimped by the system, and between you me and the fence post, the crap really sucks.
I am like an eagle in a canary's cage, not much room to spread my wings. Something has to give eventually, but what.
I gave it a little thought yesterday evening, as I allowed my mind to roam randomly, and I came up with the notion that maybe I need a soul searching mission. Perhaps, I need to just go as the wind blows and seek to find who I really am. I would most likely run out of money within a couple of weeks into this journey, but maybe that is what I need. I am missing something, and I just cannot put my finger on it. Perhaps a vision quest is in order.
Oh well, who knows. My mind just rambles from time to time. Still, just the thought of it, still.
So, what happened recently? Well, the United States, France and the UK attacked Libya over the weekend, I believe the first round was fired on Friday March 18th. Tomahawk Cruise Missiles, such a wonderful weapon. Needless to say Gadhafi is not very pleased. That's what he gets for thinking my President is his homeboy. Personally, I would have finished the job in 1986, but that is just me.
Oh, AT&T buys T-Mobile. How is that for serving Verizon a serious wake up call? That one move will position AT&T to be the largest mobile carrier in the United States, although their stocks have not seemed to move much over the past couple of trading days. Still, it is a ballsy move, and AT&T sure proved that they have a pretty big set. Now, does that mean I will go running back to AT&T? Oh, yeah right, like what the heck ever.
Heard there was an earthquake in South Carolina this morning. It was only a magnitude 2.0, but come on, it really does not take a lot to shake South Carolina up. Still, I am curious. There was the earthquake in Washington DC, I believe it was a small like 2.0 magnitude as well, and now the one in South Carolina. Seems like the shake rattle and roll is working its way down the eastern seaboard. Could the next stop be Florida? To borrow a famous phrase from the Hep Cat Days of Harlem, 'One Never Know, Do One?'.
So, here I am this morning, preparing to embark on another adventure with the Blues. You know, I am almost wondering if God is sending me a message of sorts. Let me explain why I am saying this.
You know how it is when it seems no matter what you do, or how hard you try, everyone else is getting ahead, and often on the merits of what you have done? Recently, and I would like to think that I am merely over reacting, but it seems as if regardless of what I do at work, I am walking into that same brick wall. It runs from ceiling to floor and wall to wall, ergo, no way up, no way down, no way end no way around, it is just there. I feel as if my talents are going to waste. Sure, people come to me the solve their issues, and when I do, they take the credit. In short, I have become a corporate prostitute simply being pimped by the system, and between you me and the fence post, the crap really sucks.
I am like an eagle in a canary's cage, not much room to spread my wings. Something has to give eventually, but what.
I gave it a little thought yesterday evening, as I allowed my mind to roam randomly, and I came up with the notion that maybe I need a soul searching mission. Perhaps, I need to just go as the wind blows and seek to find who I really am. I would most likely run out of money within a couple of weeks into this journey, but maybe that is what I need. I am missing something, and I just cannot put my finger on it. Perhaps a vision quest is in order.
Oh well, who knows. My mind just rambles from time to time. Still, just the thought of it, still.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Crazy Little Ripple Effect
MARCH 15 2011 2132 - JACKSONVILLE FL: It has been four days since a monterous 8.9, excuse me, 9.0 magnitude earthquake follow by a massive tsunami devestated Northern Japan. The images are still in the news, especially the images of a damaged nuclear power plant which appears to be on the verge of a meltdown.
As for me, I have been watching the stock market like a hawk. The damaged power plant was designed and built by General Electric, and I happen to own a few shares of their stock. From what I can see at this point, General Electric is not too deep in jeopardy, but I find it amazing to see just how many stock owners actually jump ship as soon as the deck seaman yells abandon ship.
Although the disaster in Japan has far surpassed crisis level, and the stock market is feeling the after shocks, I am a believe that General Electric, and indeed the entire market will bounce back even stronger than ever.
See, what the fearful are seeing is that there are explosions in the power plant, but what they are not seeing is the fact that the plant is still fighting back using the safety systems that General Electric built into the plant. They are not seeing that even though the reactors are experiencing casualties, the primary structure of the planet is remaining strong. They are not seeing that the safety features designed by General Electric is preventing massive qualtities of radiation from escaping into the atmosphere. There is some radition leaking, but when compared to other notable nuclear power plant mishaps, we are talking about a fraction of radiation that was released during the casualty at 3-Mile Island. Still, you can not discount fear, and with that thought in mind, it is OK by me for the fearful to dump their General Electric Stock. I am holding onto mine, and watching and the bear places his paw onto General Electric. See, I know that this is but a small bear, and there is a big bull standing by to butt General Electric back to where they belong.
I know there are people who think that I am stupid, and that I ought to bail out of the plane with them, and I may be stupid, but I believe that the ram air technique will be more than sufficient to restart the plane's engines, and when that happens, I will have the plane to myself. Yes, it is suicidal, but hell, if you are not ready to die then you are not truly living - said the man preparing to jump into the volcano.
In truth, only time will tell whose stratagy is the most sound. Will we all step up the to table and roll craps, or will the roll prove that the dice are loaded in my favor? Ain't no telling, pardon the grammer.
Since we are on the subject, let us all remember to pray for the people of Japan, as the after shocks of the earthquake are still being felt. The Japanese are a strong people, but even the strong need an occasional shoulder on which to lean.
Finally, let us ask this; what in the name of creation is going on with these earthquakes? Haiti was nearly wiped off the map less than 2 years ago, Chili was hit by an 8.8 Magnitude earthquake and severely damaged, Washington DC (yes, Washington DC) experienced an earthquake, Christ Church New Zealand, and now Japan. Let us never forget the Tsunami of 2004 that devastated Thailand, which many believe was caused by an earthquake of at least 8.0 magnitude. We are living in troubled times. Are the Myans correct? or, are we dealing with something even more sinister entirely? I don't know about you, but that is an aweful lot of massive earthquakes in less than a 7 year span of time. Just something to think about.
As for me, I have been watching the stock market like a hawk. The damaged power plant was designed and built by General Electric, and I happen to own a few shares of their stock. From what I can see at this point, General Electric is not too deep in jeopardy, but I find it amazing to see just how many stock owners actually jump ship as soon as the deck seaman yells abandon ship.
Although the disaster in Japan has far surpassed crisis level, and the stock market is feeling the after shocks, I am a believe that General Electric, and indeed the entire market will bounce back even stronger than ever.
See, what the fearful are seeing is that there are explosions in the power plant, but what they are not seeing is the fact that the plant is still fighting back using the safety systems that General Electric built into the plant. They are not seeing that even though the reactors are experiencing casualties, the primary structure of the planet is remaining strong. They are not seeing that the safety features designed by General Electric is preventing massive qualtities of radiation from escaping into the atmosphere. There is some radition leaking, but when compared to other notable nuclear power plant mishaps, we are talking about a fraction of radiation that was released during the casualty at 3-Mile Island. Still, you can not discount fear, and with that thought in mind, it is OK by me for the fearful to dump their General Electric Stock. I am holding onto mine, and watching and the bear places his paw onto General Electric. See, I know that this is but a small bear, and there is a big bull standing by to butt General Electric back to where they belong.
I know there are people who think that I am stupid, and that I ought to bail out of the plane with them, and I may be stupid, but I believe that the ram air technique will be more than sufficient to restart the plane's engines, and when that happens, I will have the plane to myself. Yes, it is suicidal, but hell, if you are not ready to die then you are not truly living - said the man preparing to jump into the volcano.
In truth, only time will tell whose stratagy is the most sound. Will we all step up the to table and roll craps, or will the roll prove that the dice are loaded in my favor? Ain't no telling, pardon the grammer.
Since we are on the subject, let us all remember to pray for the people of Japan, as the after shocks of the earthquake are still being felt. The Japanese are a strong people, but even the strong need an occasional shoulder on which to lean.
Finally, let us ask this; what in the name of creation is going on with these earthquakes? Haiti was nearly wiped off the map less than 2 years ago, Chili was hit by an 8.8 Magnitude earthquake and severely damaged, Washington DC (yes, Washington DC) experienced an earthquake, Christ Church New Zealand, and now Japan. Let us never forget the Tsunami of 2004 that devastated Thailand, which many believe was caused by an earthquake of at least 8.0 magnitude. We are living in troubled times. Are the Myans correct? or, are we dealing with something even more sinister entirely? I don't know about you, but that is an aweful lot of massive earthquakes in less than a 7 year span of time. Just something to think about.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
What Is The Meaning Of The Song?
MARCH 13 2011 2242 - JACKSONVILLE FL - You know what is really amazing? Songs. Well no just songs, but what those songs mean to the listener.
I am moved by a few songs, but of them all, I am most moved by a song from Mike and The Mechanics called The Living Years. I have been moved by that song for 12 years now.
I am going to tell you the story of a boy. Well, let me restate. I am going to tell you the story of a spoiled brat who had to learn things the hard way. This boy was one of five brothers, no sisters, just five boys, of which he was the 2nd oldest. This boy was always into something or the other.
One day, when the boy's mother was preparing to go and try to sign up for welfare, the boy was standing by the front door of the family house playing with a friend of the family. The boy's mother slapped him so hard that she left welps on his face for a week. The boy was only 6 years old. As a result the boy stopped speaking to his mother, and thus compelled his mother to feel that she had to buy the love of the boy. This went on pretty much through the boy entire childhood and adolesent phases.
One day, when the boy was 17 years old, he decided to invite his girlfriend over to the house while his mother was at work. The boy's brother told the mother who in turn chewed the boy out over the telephone. The boy felt that he was not going to stand for that, so after he walked his little girlfriend home, he continued walking and did so for more than 6 hours. That's right, the boy walked for more than 40 miles before returning home at about 5:00 am. His mother continued to elevate and revere the boy.
Years later, we will call it 2 and a half later, the boy marries his now pregnant girlfriend without his mother's consent. Upon returning home, his mother greeted him with a solid right cross. The boy knew he completely deserved his mother's wrath, and said nothing in return.
Now a husband and a new father, the boy decides he needed to do something to ensure he would be able to provide for his family. So the boy joins the Navy, and moves to California. While waiting to fly his wife and child to California, there was an incident between his wife and his mother. The boy sided with his wife, and vowed that his mother would never see her granddaughter (her 1st grandchild) ever again. At that point, the boy stopped speaking to his mother.
The years passed, the boy has a son, and the boy leaves California on his 2nd deployment into the Western Pacific. During that deployment, the boy's mother became gravely ill, and the American Red Cross requested the boy's presence during his mother's final hours. The boy was flown from the Phillipines to Hawaii, and from there to Norton Air Force Base in California. The boy would soon discover that as the tires of the airplane touched the ground in California, that his mother passed away at that very moment. It is believed that his mother held on just long enough to know that her son was feet dry on US Soil.
The boy arrived in San Diego and began to make preparations to travel to Washington DC for his mother's funeral. While driving from one point to another in San Diego, the boy heard for the first time The Living Years by Mike and The Mechanics. The song forced the boy to pull his car over on the side of the road and cry uncontrollably.
I know this boy very well, because this boy is me. The words of the song rang so true as I realized that my mother died without me being there to tell her that I Love Her. I carry that burden with me until the day that I will come to die. Now, whenever I hear Mike and The Mechanics singing The Living Years, I encounter two emotions. I feel the profound sorrow for the way I treated my mothers as I grew up, and I feel joy because God placed me into the life of someone who I feel to this day is the best woman I could have ever shared my life with.
It is not the song, but the meaning of the song. The Living Years has a powerful meaning for me, and as such, it is forever engraved into my heart.
I am moved by a few songs, but of them all, I am most moved by a song from Mike and The Mechanics called The Living Years. I have been moved by that song for 12 years now.
I am going to tell you the story of a boy. Well, let me restate. I am going to tell you the story of a spoiled brat who had to learn things the hard way. This boy was one of five brothers, no sisters, just five boys, of which he was the 2nd oldest. This boy was always into something or the other.
One day, when the boy's mother was preparing to go and try to sign up for welfare, the boy was standing by the front door of the family house playing with a friend of the family. The boy's mother slapped him so hard that she left welps on his face for a week. The boy was only 6 years old. As a result the boy stopped speaking to his mother, and thus compelled his mother to feel that she had to buy the love of the boy. This went on pretty much through the boy entire childhood and adolesent phases.
One day, when the boy was 17 years old, he decided to invite his girlfriend over to the house while his mother was at work. The boy's brother told the mother who in turn chewed the boy out over the telephone. The boy felt that he was not going to stand for that, so after he walked his little girlfriend home, he continued walking and did so for more than 6 hours. That's right, the boy walked for more than 40 miles before returning home at about 5:00 am. His mother continued to elevate and revere the boy.
Years later, we will call it 2 and a half later, the boy marries his now pregnant girlfriend without his mother's consent. Upon returning home, his mother greeted him with a solid right cross. The boy knew he completely deserved his mother's wrath, and said nothing in return.
Now a husband and a new father, the boy decides he needed to do something to ensure he would be able to provide for his family. So the boy joins the Navy, and moves to California. While waiting to fly his wife and child to California, there was an incident between his wife and his mother. The boy sided with his wife, and vowed that his mother would never see her granddaughter (her 1st grandchild) ever again. At that point, the boy stopped speaking to his mother.
The years passed, the boy has a son, and the boy leaves California on his 2nd deployment into the Western Pacific. During that deployment, the boy's mother became gravely ill, and the American Red Cross requested the boy's presence during his mother's final hours. The boy was flown from the Phillipines to Hawaii, and from there to Norton Air Force Base in California. The boy would soon discover that as the tires of the airplane touched the ground in California, that his mother passed away at that very moment. It is believed that his mother held on just long enough to know that her son was feet dry on US Soil.
The boy arrived in San Diego and began to make preparations to travel to Washington DC for his mother's funeral. While driving from one point to another in San Diego, the boy heard for the first time The Living Years by Mike and The Mechanics. The song forced the boy to pull his car over on the side of the road and cry uncontrollably.
I know this boy very well, because this boy is me. The words of the song rang so true as I realized that my mother died without me being there to tell her that I Love Her. I carry that burden with me until the day that I will come to die. Now, whenever I hear Mike and The Mechanics singing The Living Years, I encounter two emotions. I feel the profound sorrow for the way I treated my mothers as I grew up, and I feel joy because God placed me into the life of someone who I feel to this day is the best woman I could have ever shared my life with.
It is not the song, but the meaning of the song. The Living Years has a powerful meaning for me, and as such, it is forever engraved into my heart.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Finally Got A TV
MARCH 12 2011 2010 - JACKSONVILLE FL: Made a command decision - of sorts - today. I had to visit the bank to get a cashier's check to take care of a dead horse (in case you are wondering, it does not involve an animal).
I figured that I would visit a few pawn shops afterwards, just to see what was up for sale. Hey, in these hard financial times, people pawn a lot of good stuff. Case in point, one pawn shop had a silver professional model Alto Saxophone that they were selling for $240. Obviously their appraisers misjudged the value of the instrument because they could have gotten a minimum of $1200 for it, but I was not going to tell them that. I walked into this one pawn shop - a cash america pawn shop - and noticed they were selling 25 inch televisions for $50. These were analog TVs that were previously owned by one of the local hotels.
I could not resist the urge, especially when I consider that I have not had an actual television for more than a year. I ended up buying a 3 year old Phillips TV. After factoring in the cost of the analog to digital converter and the over thre air antenna, I spent a total of $95 for a television that is in very good shape.
Yeah, I know you are thinking that the simplest things in life seem to impress me, and you are right. All too often do we become enthralled with the superficial things in life. I personally thing that it is the little things that mean the most. For some, a TV is nothing much, but for me, it is one more step closer to the normalization of my life. It is a beautiful thing.
I figured that I would visit a few pawn shops afterwards, just to see what was up for sale. Hey, in these hard financial times, people pawn a lot of good stuff. Case in point, one pawn shop had a silver professional model Alto Saxophone that they were selling for $240. Obviously their appraisers misjudged the value of the instrument because they could have gotten a minimum of $1200 for it, but I was not going to tell them that. I walked into this one pawn shop - a cash america pawn shop - and noticed they were selling 25 inch televisions for $50. These were analog TVs that were previously owned by one of the local hotels.
I could not resist the urge, especially when I consider that I have not had an actual television for more than a year. I ended up buying a 3 year old Phillips TV. After factoring in the cost of the analog to digital converter and the over thre air antenna, I spent a total of $95 for a television that is in very good shape.
Yeah, I know you are thinking that the simplest things in life seem to impress me, and you are right. All too often do we become enthralled with the superficial things in life. I personally thing that it is the little things that mean the most. For some, a TV is nothing much, but for me, it is one more step closer to the normalization of my life. It is a beautiful thing.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Catching Up
March 11 2011 2344 - Jacksonville FL: It has honestly been a good little minute since I am contributed anything to this blog. Well, not better time than the present to kind of get back into the swing of things.
So, where do I begin, I mean other than the fact that we are in a whole new year (2011)? What is my claim to fame thus far in this new year? I guess I can sum it all up with a rousing not much at all. Well, outside of getting a year older, I guess I can say nothing at all.
I am still dealing with this whole single lifestyle thing. I am just not socially motivated at this point. Nothing seems to kindle my interest, and I am honestly lacking concern about that at this moment in my life.
I would go out and catch a movie every now and then. In fact I decided to check out Battle LA this evening. I actually found it to be interesting, even if the story line was unbelievable, and full of make believe. Something about stories of the underdogs who turn the tide in their favor grabs my attention. That has been the story of America for centuries. Underdogs with our backs against the wall like some cornered dog, only for out adversaries the find out that cornered dogs really do fight back. Yeah, I get a kick out of stories like that, and so I found Battle LA to be interesting. KInd of like watching an X-Box or PS3 game on the movie screen.
Anyway, take away the movies and my occasional walks, my life is rather mundane, and bland. Perhaps I need to find a good social club to become a member of. Trouble is, it is hard to find a really decent social club here in Jacksonville. Anybody know of any good ones? Believe me, I am all ears, so do share.
Maybe I just need that one good companion to talk to, and hang out with. Something platonic, becuase I am sick and tired of the lies and the games people play when it comes to relationships. Especially in the African American community, of which I am a part of. There is far too much back stabbing, the women do not respect the men regardless of how open and responsible we are, and there may only be 3% of the entire community that truly understrands what an honest and real relationship is. Most in my community simply look a good realtionship in the mouth and then do the Janet Jackson "What Have You Done For Me Lately" routine. Love means nothing to most of these folks, and honestly I am really sick and tired of it. The whole experience has soured me to relationships in general. I pray that I will get over it, but wow, I can't shake the experience. That is why I am seeking a truly platonic friend, someone I could share a real conversation with, because goodness knows there is not much in the way of conversations - at least not truly intelligent conversations - on this side of the fence.
Now, please don't take me the wrong way, not all of us are like that. There is the 3% that I mentioned earlier; however, it had been my misfortune the have not really encountered anyone from that 3%. I meet pretenders all the time. You know the type, they say the things they think you want to hear without giving you credit for your intelligence to be able to express who you really are to them. These people have to over talk you, belittle you, make themselves feel superior while makng you feel small. I can't get with that, life is far to short for that kind of living.
I know it seems like I complain a lot, and I apologize for creating that image if I did. Still, I want to be happy like everybody else. To me, happiness is balance. From balance comes harmony, and from harmony comes the beautiful music of our lives. That's all I want, and I don't feel I am asking too much. If I am, tell me so, but I really don't feel that I am.
Well, better call it a night. I will endeavor to maintain this blog better than I have in the past. Thank you for reading. Feel free to comment, and share your thoughts.
So, where do I begin, I mean other than the fact that we are in a whole new year (2011)? What is my claim to fame thus far in this new year? I guess I can sum it all up with a rousing not much at all. Well, outside of getting a year older, I guess I can say nothing at all.
I am still dealing with this whole single lifestyle thing. I am just not socially motivated at this point. Nothing seems to kindle my interest, and I am honestly lacking concern about that at this moment in my life.
I would go out and catch a movie every now and then. In fact I decided to check out Battle LA this evening. I actually found it to be interesting, even if the story line was unbelievable, and full of make believe. Something about stories of the underdogs who turn the tide in their favor grabs my attention. That has been the story of America for centuries. Underdogs with our backs against the wall like some cornered dog, only for out adversaries the find out that cornered dogs really do fight back. Yeah, I get a kick out of stories like that, and so I found Battle LA to be interesting. KInd of like watching an X-Box or PS3 game on the movie screen.
Anyway, take away the movies and my occasional walks, my life is rather mundane, and bland. Perhaps I need to find a good social club to become a member of. Trouble is, it is hard to find a really decent social club here in Jacksonville. Anybody know of any good ones? Believe me, I am all ears, so do share.
Maybe I just need that one good companion to talk to, and hang out with. Something platonic, becuase I am sick and tired of the lies and the games people play when it comes to relationships. Especially in the African American community, of which I am a part of. There is far too much back stabbing, the women do not respect the men regardless of how open and responsible we are, and there may only be 3% of the entire community that truly understrands what an honest and real relationship is. Most in my community simply look a good realtionship in the mouth and then do the Janet Jackson "What Have You Done For Me Lately" routine. Love means nothing to most of these folks, and honestly I am really sick and tired of it. The whole experience has soured me to relationships in general. I pray that I will get over it, but wow, I can't shake the experience. That is why I am seeking a truly platonic friend, someone I could share a real conversation with, because goodness knows there is not much in the way of conversations - at least not truly intelligent conversations - on this side of the fence.
Now, please don't take me the wrong way, not all of us are like that. There is the 3% that I mentioned earlier; however, it had been my misfortune the have not really encountered anyone from that 3%. I meet pretenders all the time. You know the type, they say the things they think you want to hear without giving you credit for your intelligence to be able to express who you really are to them. These people have to over talk you, belittle you, make themselves feel superior while makng you feel small. I can't get with that, life is far to short for that kind of living.
I know it seems like I complain a lot, and I apologize for creating that image if I did. Still, I want to be happy like everybody else. To me, happiness is balance. From balance comes harmony, and from harmony comes the beautiful music of our lives. That's all I want, and I don't feel I am asking too much. If I am, tell me so, but I really don't feel that I am.
Well, better call it a night. I will endeavor to maintain this blog better than I have in the past. Thank you for reading. Feel free to comment, and share your thoughts.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)