A Date The Will Live In, Whatever

MARCH 23 2011 0640 - JACKSONVILLE FL: Here we are, the 23rd day of March, a date that will be forever etched into my memory, and unfortunately not tied to a pleasent memory.

This day would have marked four years of marriage, had it lasted. It is funny, but someone once said to me that only a fool would mess up a good friendship by getting married. That person was sort of right, but I think he overlooked one fundamental fact, that being if the friendship were really true, then nothing in the world would have tore it apart.

I know that to be true because I encounter, even to this day, friends who have been good wholesome friends from years ago who remember the good times as they were yesterday. With that thought in mind, I should question the friendship that I thought existed prior to this day four years ago. As it stands now, this is my third failed marriage, and I am beginning to wonder if marriage was ever meant to be for me.

What is very funny is the fact that my longest lasting marriage happened to be my first. What is ironic in that my first marriage was the most drama filled of the three. Now I clearly not saying that I need to be in a relationship full of drama, because to be perfectly honest with you, I deplore drama. Instead, I prefer a balanced relationship. That's right, I believe that no one party in the relationship should be overly dependent on the other. I also believe that conversation, if not the full foundation, is a major part of the foundation on which any successful relationship is built.

I can say that out of three mariages, conversation - true conversation - was not found in either. In fact, in my last marriage my now ex-wife preferred to mumble rather than hold an intelligent conversation. Regardless of what the topic may have been. It was as if I was talking to a three year old. Well, in fairness, I have had better conversations with three year olds, but that is neither hear nor there. At the heart of the matter is this one fundamental fact, in the absence of communication relationships fail. With that prevailing thought in mind, I desire a relationship where communication, regardles of the nature, exists. I don't think that is asking for too much.

I am a rather complex individual, and I know that to be true. I have often mused that I am the most complex person I have ever met. That circular reference yeilds a lot of merrit, and it is indisputable. I don't find my complexity to be a handicap, but rather more of a strength. All I have to do now is find someone with a compatible level of complexity, and thus far, I have not been so fortunate.