First Day Back To Work

NOVEMBER 30 2009 2006 - JACKSONVILLE FL - First day back to work after the beginning of the Reinvention of Me. What can I say other than the day was crazy?

 

This is the end of the month, and of course we had more than our share of the "Oops, I Forgot" individuals calling in to make their last minute payments. I took a total of 25 calls. Wee, what fun.

 

Let me tell you about my trip to work this morning. First, I left the house in time to catch my bus, based on the schedule. Now, what should my eyes behold as I approached a point that was more than 100 yards from the bus stop? You guessed it, I missed my bus. Like "Bloody Hell Man". To say I was a little miffed is an understatement. I started walking towards Glenlya and Oglethorpe, but as I walked, a Toyota pulled over and the female driver beckoned to me offering me a ride. Dude, I am not making this stuff up, I swear. Well, once I approached the car, I noticed that the driver was the daughter of a lady who sings in the Choir at Historic Mt. Zion AME Church. She just happened to be off from work today, and gave me a ride to work. She did not have to do so, but she did, and I was more than grateful.

 

Everyone seemed glad to see me back at work. My desk buddy was surprised when I told her the reason why I decided to move out, but she said she understood. My sanity is so much better than me lowering my standards.

 

After work, I rode the bus home. The ride is not a bad one, and I feel that I can really get used to it. I think the drive I had was new, but she really seemed to have a grasp for the bus, and seemed to understand the route fairly well. I hope she is my driver in the future.

 

All in all it was not a bad first day back at work.

Getting Ready For Tomorrow

NOVEMBER 29 2009 1646 - JACKSONVILLE FL - The weekend is finally drawing to an end. One week after the explosive encounter which led to my present situation. You know what? I am still blessed, and I thank God for all of these blessings.

 

I woke up this morning, started writing a manuscript which will most likely become a book about my life. I then took a walk to recon a bus stop. Looks like either way I look at it, I am going to walk between 7 to 8 minutes to get to the bus stop.

 

I decided to walk to Publics supermarket this morning. I wanted to gauge the distance. The distance is about the same as walking to Winn Dixie from my apartment, so I can go to either one. I bought 10 of those to-go cereal cups. Yes, I am gradually stocking my shelves. Now, if I could only move a little faster with the furniture, I'll be doing ok. I think I will take a trip to Walgreens in a little bit, no CVS, because they have those clothes streamers. I need something to allow me to remove wrinkles from my clothes until I am able to get an iron and ironing board.

 

Wife is playing games with my belongings, she can not give me a definitive date and time to come by and grab my belongings. I may have to pull a Pearl Harbor move, and just show up with an escort. I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but she just wants to play games and I am not in the mood for games.

 

As I was telling my ex-girlfriend yesterday, I am not going to surrender my parental rights. I will just go into paying child support. My thoughts on the situation is I would be a hypocrite to say that I was not going to pay child support, especially after I held a previous ex-wife accountable for paying child support. The bottom line is I am not stuck under the wife's roof and I am able to be me. That is worth a little child support.

Like Cube Say - Today Was A Good Day

NOVEMBER 28 2009 2001 - JACKSONVILLE FL - To borrow a phrase from Mr. Oshea Jackson, better known as Ice Cube, Today Was A Good Day. Actually, today was a very good day.

 

I woke up around 6:30am, ate breakfast, killed a little time around the apartment and then went to get my blood pressure prescription filled. After that I hung out with my daughter and her family. Amazing that CW17 is showing reruns of the original Yugioh, and I thought that was pretty cool. I hung around long enough for lunch, and then my ex-girlfriend called.

 

She and I talked and then we agreed to hang out for a little bit. I made a quick trip to Walgreens, and my daughter made a run to Winn Dixie for me. My ex-girlfriend arrived shortly after 2:00pm and boy did we ever catch up on old times. To say it was good to see her would be an understatement. Neither of us can identify what actually caused us to break up in 2006, but we both could honestly say that we missed each other's companionship. Amazing how we both are in extremely complicated situations in our lives.

 

After she left, I went back over to my daughter's house to use the internet and hang out with the grands for a little bit. Hopefully I will be able to set up internet access in my apartment by Monday, or Tuesday at the latest. I will still have to hang out at my daughter's house for other forms of entertainment until I am blessed enough to get a television set for my apartment.

The Friday After

NOVEMBER 27 2009 1113 - JACKSONVILLE FL - Happy Friday everyone. Thank God for my daughter. She was thoughtful enough to bring me a plate from the Thanksgiving mean she attended yesterday. I've said it before, women come and women go, but to this date, my daughter is the only woman in my life (well only living woman in my life) who has never turned her back on me, and I am thankful to God Almighty for my daughter.

 

I slept ok last night, but I am coming to realize that I am going to need a blanket at the absolute least while I am waiting on furniture. I will make a little trip to Family Dollar and get one, that way I will be warm at least.

 

I did a partial sortie this morning. On my way to Walgreen's I was able to identify where the bus stop for the SS6 is, which is a good thing. I bought a few needed items, things like peanut butter and jelly. Hey Booker was right, Peanut Butter and Jelly is good. I also bought some bread, and milk. There you go, you are not officially moved in until you put bread and milk in the house.

 

My Ex-girlfriend and I were going to try to hang out today, but her live in boyfriend came back home early from a job he went on earlier that morning. Ok people, I know what you are thinking. You are wondering why I am messing with someone who has a live in boyfriend. Well, it is like this, she is still a friend of mine, and I feel I can hang out with my friends. Additionally, while she and I were dating, the now live in boyfriend was the outsider seeking to break up the relationship, and I just wanted him to se what it feels like. I am a real bastard, I know, but hell, it is so much fun. My Ex-Girlfriend and I will eventually hang out together, and I look forward to that time.

 

I will need to take advantage of the weekend, because on Monday it is back to work, and into a lot of questions. I think I will just shun most of them, only answering the ones I feel are not intrusive. My friend Ahmad asked me if I had gotten the boot from the job. Not that I am aware of, but we will soon see. It will be tragic if that is the cased, so I pray to God that is not the case,  We shall see what we shall see.

Thanksgiving Day - Alone

NOVEMBER 26 2009 1725 - JACKSONVILLE FL- Happy Thanksgiving everyone. You know, for the first time in 44 years of life, I actually spent Thanksgiving alone. No turkey, no cranberries, no pumpkin or sweet potato pie. Utterly alone.

 

I will admit that I am a bit sad, almost on the verge of tears. This really hurts, almost like a knife being driven deep into my soul. Still, I am blessed. I have my health, my strength, a place to stay, my children (my first 2 children) and my grand children, even though my daughter and her children spent Thanksgiving in Brunswick GA.

 

Attempts to contact the wife to allow me to retrieve the remainder of my belongings have been unsuccessful, and I am at the point where I am about to just write off the items. It will be me walking away from 44 years of family history, items that are irreplaceable, but I guess that is the price I must pay. I am always making sacrifices, and suffer many loses as a result. Pictures of my family, gone. DD-214 gone, Birth Certificate, gone. Oh well, life goes on.

 

On the lighter side, I spent my first night in my apartment last night. No furniture, save for one inflatable mattress. Still, it is so much better than not having a place to call home. I know God is with me, walking each step I walk, pushing me up when I just feel like falling down. I know God loves me, despite my flaws, and there are many flaws. Yet, and still, there are times when I just want to scream. Will anyone hear me?

 

I've been at my daughter's house all day, just waiting on my son to arrive before I go back to my apartment and open a can of Cream of Mushroom Soup. It's not turkey and stuffing, but it is food, and there are many people who do not have that much to eat. Money is going to be tight for the next two weeks, as I have a full month's rent due on December 1st, but after that, I should be able to stabilize the finances, sort of. We will see.

 

 

Moving Day

NOVEMBER 25 2009 1544 - JACKSONVILLE FL - Day three of the Reinvention of Me is underway, and I will admit that I am kind of in a bitter sweet kind of mood today. I mean for one, it is raining, and that typically skunks my vibe, but overall it is kind of a just around average day.

 

I went and picked up my keys, and entered my apartment. The electricity was already on, water was on, now the only utility I am waiting on is the telephone, which should be on tomorrow.

 

I took a trip to the Family Dollar store and purchased some much needed items like towels, wash clothes, soap, pots and pans, silver wear, just the basics. Enough to get me started. I have begun moving my clothes into the apartment. Now I have to focus on furniture.

 

I have the items on layaway a Nationwide, but I also need something temporary. So I've been checking out Craigslist. There are some good deals, but I would need to pick up the items. Shoot, I guess a $50 queen sized bed is worth me spending $25 on a UHaul truck.

 

 

 

Today Was A Pretty Full Day

NOVEMBER 24 2009 1726 - JACKSONVILLE FL - Day two of the Reinvention of Me. Wow the things that are happening, all seemingly at once. Grab a cup of coffee, I have a lot to tell you about.

 

Allow me to start with yesterday evening. As you may be aware, well you may not, but I got the apartment. It is 2 story 2 bedroom 1 and 1/2 bath townhouse which overlooks one of the three pools in the complex. I was happy to get that news, thrilled to be honest with you. See, the apartment was a major step in the reinvention process, but it gets even better than that.

 

Last night, I had a visit from my ex-girlfriend. Turns out she does not live that far from where my apartment is, so she dropped by on the way home. Her live in boyfriend was wondering where she was. She and I sat in her truck and talked and talked, something we have become accustomed to doing when she and I dated. We had a lot of catching up to do, and boy did we catch up. Whoa, before you take a trip down that yellow brick road, the answer is no, we did not do anything sexual; however, I did sneak a quick peck on the lips. That made both of us smile. Wow how I missed her so. I am more than glad that we are still connected as friends. Sorry Ricky, but payback is a real bitch.

 

Ok, Ok, Ok, now let me get on to the events of today. I started the morning with a trip to JEA to turn on my electrical service. Now, I discovered that the wife tuned off the cell phone, just as I expected she would. Black women are so darned predictable, especially those who were born after 1970. It was just a matter of time, as she had the weigh the pros and cons of altering her mobile contract with Verizon and absorbing the $175 penalty fee for breach of contact. Her turning off the cell phone did not bother me. I went to a CVS, bought a Virgin (Mobile, Virgin Mobile oh ye of the dirty mind), and went on with the rest of my day's routine. It's 4th and 8 yards to go, wife throws a deep pass, intercepted by me who runs it back for a score.

 

I rode the bus into downtown Jacksonville, and walked the 3 blocks to the JEA building. I waiting in line while an overly boisterous woman (yes she was black) loudly argued her bill with the customer service representative. Everyone in line mused at how we wished she would just shut up. Anyway, it was my turn to approach the counter. The lady who set up the account gave me a bit of good news. My deposit should have been $200, but I had a credit of $117 from the last time I had serviced with JEA (2008). I thought that to be a wonderful blessing from God, and the lady and I spoke to that effect. After leaving JEA, I took the bus back to my daughter's house. There was some Ole G wanna be Playa trying to impress this young lady on the bus with some tired old pick-up lines that I think I may have heard, or used in the 1980's. Darned shame. I cut a grin at the lady as I got off the bus, and she smiled back. Yes, she knew what I was thinking.

 

I get to my daughter's house, and put my new cell together. After that I decided to go and pay my security deposit. After that I talked with my ex-girlfriend on the phone, did not realize we talked for more than an hour and 20 minutes. I really enjoy talking to her, not as much as I enjoy seeing her in person, but I do love talking to her.

 

I went for a walk. Been doing a lot of that lately, kind of hard not to when you don't have a car. I stopped by Nationwide Furniture and put a living room set, bedroom suite, and tables on lay away. After that, it was a trip to CVS to inquire about their prescription transfer process, and to pick up an inflatable mattress. After that, I headed back to my daughter's house.

 

It has been a busy day indeed, and we are still only at the beginning of my venture. Been a heck of a ride to date, and it is only going to become more interesting as the days progress.

The Reinvention Of Me.

NOVEMBER 23 2009 0812 - JACKSONVILLE FL - This is day one of the reinvention of me. At times I wonder how I ever expect to reach the end of life if I am constantly trapped in this loop of starting over.

 

Game plan is outlined. I will pound the pavement apartment shopping, and I need to evaluate some form of transportation. Congratulations Satan, you forced me to dig into one of the reserve accounts. Only question now is which reserve account do I dig into?

 

I am pretty much suspecting that my wife's family will pull out of the cruise in December. No big deal, the ones who had travel insurance will get their money back. As for the one's who did not have travel insurance, well they new the rules when they elected to book the cruise. As for me, looks like I will be traveling solo, because I am going on that cruise, come hell or high water I am going. I need to, it is an opportunity for a ship inspection, and a chance to experience the newest ship in the Princess Fleet. So, I am going even if I have to go by myself. Which reminds me, I think I'd better order a copy of my Birth Certificate. The one I have now is in my wife's lock box, and I am not sure if she may just destroy it.

 

I slept on my daughter's sofa last night, after sending an email to a member of the management team at my job advising her of my present situation. I must admit it is a situation I am not familiar with. I have been with out a car, but had a place to live. I have been between places to live, but have had a car. I can not recall a time in my life when I was ever without both. Note to self, should I ever enter into another relationship, make sure she is the one who gives up everything, or there is some sort of mutual balance.

 

I need to rent a car, thank goodness I have my travel website. At least I will get a little cash back from this rental. There are a couple of items I still need to rescue, those being my keyboard, my trumpet, and my boxes in her garage. I also need my birth certificate and my DD-214. Once I have those items, I can move forward.

 

This is strike 3, and any baseball fan knows that 3 strikes equates to an out. How appropriate, because with this, I am officially out of the marrying game. I will simply be content to date, and may have a live in girlfriend in the future, but marriage is completely out of the question. God, I love you, but I guess you never intended for me to be married, so I am going to respect your desires going forward.

 

Ok, let's get this reinvention process up and running. I have a lot of ground to cover today and not much time to do it in. I just submitted an application for Drive Time, and of course it came back "APPROVED!!!" despite my horrific credit history. That means a beat up, overly priced car with an unthinkable interest rate. Story of my life. Still,it is my life, and I love it regardless.

Pain Only Hurts If We Let It

NOVEMBER 22 2009 2352 - JACKSONVILLE FL - I should be a mind reader, or perhaps a prophet. Just as I predicted, the inevitable occurred.

 

Not long after the wife arrived at "Her House" (by the way, she openly stated that fact), she started yet another fight. She knows I will not hit her because my moral code prohibits such activity. Believe me, she took full advantage of that.

 

Let me paint a couple of pictures for you. My son approaches me in the kitchen, and my wife tells him not to, and then grabs him away from me. My son tries to sit next to me on the sofa, but my wife grabs him away. In the morning, my wife ushers him quickly past my location without allowing him to acknowledge me. Based on those pictures, why is your assessment? I agree, the wife is systematically removing my son from my life. Here is her assessment, my son was always available to me and she never made any attempt to isolate me from my son. Are you thinking what I am thinking? The two biggest lies in the world are "Always" and "Never"? Never is Always what Always Never is. She painted the picture that I was deliberately removing myself from my son's life. Now there are two points of view here. The first is the way people from Cross SC see it, which is how my wife described it, and the second is how the rest of the worlds sees is, which is based on the facts.

 

Anyway, my wife pushed all of the buttons which trigger my rage, and I will be honest, we had a few casualties, a couple of pictures were destroyed. My wife pretended to call the police, and I actually called my daughter. Wife wanted to try her little back woods bluff, and I called her on it. I left with my daughter, and with my portion of this month's mortgage payment. In the morning, I will seek an Apartment. I will also download the packet need to file for divorce and begin to fill out the forms. I will then store them on my computer and prepare for her to involve a lawyer. This will be a contested divorce because of my son, but as you already know, my ace in the hole is that I will include the petition to surrender my parental rights. She wants to exclude me from my son's life? I will give her what she wants. May God Have Mercy On My Soul.

 

Funny how song lyrics tend to come to mind when one is dealing with a crisis. Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains which are withheld for me, I realize and I can see, That Suicide is painless, It brings on many changes, and I can take or leave it as I please. Personal translation? My eyes open in a predawn haze, and reveals the trials I must endure, thus I prepare to embrace them. I could kill myself, but what difference would it make? Still it is my decision to make. Which decision will I make?

Why Did I Go Back To Her House?

NOVEMBER 22 2009 1802 - JACKSONVILLE FL - Why I do certain things is simply beyond me at times. Like for instance, I am trying to figure our what made me think it was a good idea to return to her house.

 

When I left her house yesterday morning and walked for more than 4 hours straight, I figured it would be best for me to just stay away for a night. That was a good idea. Funny how this person who did not have anything to say to me over the previous week is suddenly sending me text messages and AOL instant messages trying to have a conversation.

 

I've said it before, there are stupid people, and then there are down right stupid people. She, my wife, fits into the down right stupid people category.

 

Here is the thing, if you do not want me in your house, then don't pretend like you do want me in your house. That kind of back wood thinking may fly in some little podunk town in South Carolina, but it does not work for the rest of the intelligent world.

 

She sent me an IM asking if I planned to return, and I responded "yes" which was true. She send another IM inquiring to whether or not I required a ride, and I responded "no" which was also true. Later about 1:00am she sends an IM inquiring if I were going to return last night. I was watching Michael Jackson's This Is It and I did not get to respond to the IM. Freaking sue me.

 

This morning, I left the hotel at about 7:27 am and began my walk back to her house. Just as I had promised, I returned to her house. The walk took a little longer than I expected because of the stop at McDonalds for breakfast, and the brief stop at Publics to grab a rain poncho. By the time I arrived at her house, she was gone to Daytona, which is something she does every Sunday.

 

I came in, took a shower and laid down to rest. After a couple of hours, I woke up, pulled up NFL.com and watched the scores from today's games. Way to go Jaguars! Redskins, what is your problem? While watching the scores, my ex-girlfriend IM'd me and we chatted for a little bit as she brought me up to speed on what was happening with her kids and her grand kids. She also bought me up to speed onher present domestic situation. Amazing how we both seem to have complicated situations that we are dealing with.

 

The wife arrived  home, and I decided to allow her the opportunity to initiate conversation. After all, she was the one who asked me to come back. Well, instead of her initiating conversation, she moved all of my clothes into the closet in the guest bed room. Again treating me like an outsider, and as a result I withhold any contributions due for the bills this month. I am not going to be treated as some man who is here to pay her bills, I think I deserve much more than that. So, I am going to allow her just enough rope to hang herself with. She needs to realize that the world does not revolve around her and that other people, especially me, have feelings and rights too.

 

 

Saturday Is Drawing To An End

November 21 2009 2021- Jacksonville Fl- Well seems like either one of two things is happening. Either my wife is getting the message that I am not going to put up with her abusive ways, or she is worried about money to pay the bills. For her sake I hope it is not the latter

I had an interesting yahoo experience today. I had a conversation with a friend from a couple of years ago. Ok, it was with my ex-girlfriend. Now, let's get one point clear, the conversation ws innocent, but I am finding it a bit suspect. Between me and the readers of this post, I thing there may exist a connection between my domestic situation, and tge timing of my ex's yahoo conversation.

Would I sleep with my ex? A lot rides on my wife's motives. See, one can assert that my wife used me to create her baby. If that is the case, the surrendering my parental rights would be the brst idea and hello yeah I would sleep with my ex.

Ok enough of that. I am waiting for Michael Jackson's This Is It to begin. After the movie, I will go to bed.

I guess I live a crazy and hectic life.

A Personal Retreat

NOVEMBER 21 2009 1704 - JACKSONVILLE FL - Decided to go for a walk today, and it turned out to be a long walk indeed. By my calculations I walked for nearly 4 hours (or it could have been just slightly more than 4 hours, I really was not keeping track of time) before I had my first bite of anything to eat today.

 

I realize that was dangerous, because I did not take my blood pressure medicine today, so any massive elevation in blood pressure could have deadly results. Does not make a bit of difference to me, I mean after all, no one else seems to care, so why should I.

 

I figured it best that I get a hotel room for the night, so I am staying at a hotel near the Gate Parkway. Not a bad location, I mean it is close to a movie theater, close to TGI Fridays, and close to Hooters, so what more can someone like me ask for.

 

Speaking of movie theater, I went to see The Blind Side today. The story of Michael Oher, strong side offensive tackle for the Baltimore Ravens. Turned out to be a pretty good movie. In short, it was the story of how one major disaster turned into a series of collective goods. I'll just leave it at that, but I will say it is a damned good movie. One of those family feel good movies. By the way, Tim McGraw can act after all.

 

So, what's on the plan for tonight? Not too sure, but will most likely be TGI Fridays for aps-n-ale, and then call it a reasonable night. I will most likely go back to the house tomorrow, but that is still up in the air. Why did I call it "The House" instead of saying "Home"? Sure as hell does not feel like home to me. Besides, the place I called home since 1995 was torn down by the City in 2007, and the wife makes it darned clear that I am living in "Her House", so as long as it is "Her House" I can never consider it to be home. I'm just the por sucker who got caught in the trap of paying bills for "Her House".

Why Do I Feel Like An Island?

NOVEMBER 21 2009 0712 - JACKSONVILLE FL - If it is true that no man is an island, then why do I often feel as if I am surrounded by the seas of acrimony, despair, hatred and deceit? My entire life has been one where I place others first, but those same people turn to stab me in the back.

 

What is even worst is the fact that no one seems to listen to my cries for help, and as such I am left to defend my shores by myself. I am left to stand alone against a world of people who appear to have but one objective, that being to do as much as possible to break me. It is indeed a mad world.

 

I am considering releasing my parental rights to my son, and it is not something that I am taking lightly. I mean honestly, I am not being allowed to interact with my son, every time he comes near me, that stupid wife of mine pulls him away. Again with that South Carolina Low Brow mentality, she thinks she is breaking me.

 

A divorce is looming, and she is thinking that she will be able to break me financially by hitting me with child support. In her stupidity, she is not realizing that by her keeping the child away from me, she is adding credibility to my case for releasing my parental rights. There are pros to my decision and there are cons. Among the cons are the fact that I remove myself completely from the life of my son. All of his achievements, awards, successes, I will not have a part of. I can not claim that I know, or was the father to the President of The United States. I am willing to accept those cons for the sake of the pro of not giving this witch the financial victory her friends are telling her she will achieve.

 

In the mean time, I suffer the torture of my wife rubbing me out of my son's life in front of my face. That's ok, soon I will have sufficient funds to move out, and I will not be made to witness this assault on my emotions.

 

No man is an island. Perhaps that should be changed to no man should be an island.

Thank God It's Friday

NOVEMBER 20 2009 0809 - JACKSONVILLE FL - Friday, Thank God It's Friday! Got to go in early today for a little training. Things like that are always fun. At the least, it is an hour worth of overtime, so I guess that will work.

 

About Precious. Oh my goodness, I am glad that Tyler Perry distanced himself from the story line of Precious. Tyler assisted in the production efforts, but that was about it. The movie is a loaded bomb just on the verge of exploding.

 

To say that the moving deserved its "R" rating is a true understatement. The story of an illiterate teen mother who was raped by her own father, and lives with her drug addicted mother. To me, it appeared that the personal demons in her life were preventing her from broadening her mental horizons. Low self esteem will do that to a person, and having a mother who feeds that lowered self esteem does not help the situation.

 

Still, as with every vicious cycle, the cycle of abuse can be broken by using the right motivation. It also helps to have someone who believes in you and what you do. Regardless, Precious is not one of those family kind of movies, and certainly not something I would suggest taking the kids to see.

 

Now, shifting gears onto my life. The wife is looking at divorce. That is really fine with me you see, because I would much rather pay child support than the live under the same roof with someone who thinks I am beneath her. It is funny, but years ago she asked me what was wrong with her. We were just friends, but we were not dating, instead I dated other people. So she asked my what I thought was so wrong with her that I would not date her. Well, let us see; She mumbles instead of talking to me, but she is vocally open to everyone else. She sees me only as a source of money and nothing else, She believes that she should be in control of the man in her life instead of allowing an equal partnership, She blames others instead of accepting ownership for her shortcomings. The list can go on forever.

 

I will admit, I am no saint, and I make more than my share of mistakes; however, I realize when I have made a mistake, and I make every effort possible not to allow that same mistake to happen again. That is called learning from experience, something which I am proud that my father taught me as a child. I made a mistake in March 2007 when I said I Do for the 3rd time. Since that time, I have suffered greatly. There will not be another such mistake. I will remain single for the rest of my life after this one falls apart.

Sneeking A Movie

Decided to do something I have not done in years. The movie Precious opens at 12:01 am, and I thought it would be a good idea to go and see it.

Now I know you are wondering what my wife is thinking. Don't forget, we are not presently on speaking terms. Even if we were, she does what she feels when she feels, so it's my turn.

Besides, Precious is one of those movies that is not a couple type film and is best seen alone. I will text my thoughts about the movie in tomorrow's update.

Wednesday Whoas, Wow.

NOVEMBER 18 2009 2234 - JACKSONVILLE FL- Today was interesting to say the least. Unlike yesterday, which seemed to just fly by, today seemed to drag on forever. Perhaps it could have been due in part to the fact that most of my work is at a fairly maintained status, so much so that I don't get the feeling of being behind.

 

I am not sure if that is a good thing or not, because there is such a thing as working oneself out of a job. You know what I mean. Your work is so caught up, that there is the impression that the division is overstaffed. Guess who is usually the first to be let go? Yes indeed, the highly efficient one, who is way ahead of the power curve. Still, it feels good to have such control over my work load. See, I have the luxury of controlling my day, and to a grander extent, my week. I can come into work on Monday and say I am going to focus on one aspect of my workload, and free up a bunch of time towards the end of the week so that I can focus on the more critical aspect of my job, that being financial reconciliation.

 

After work I decided to make a little trip to Starbucks, so that I could spend a little time working on the travel business. Little did I know that most of the time would be spent on writing and formatting a blog entry. Blogger.com can be a little temperamental  at times. I was finally able to get the posting together, and decided to head home.

 

Now, let me make this perfectly clear, thing are still rocky at home. I walked in and said nothing. See, when my wife pulled her little stunt last week, I got the message that I was intended to be seen and not heard. I have no problem obliging anyone who feels that should be my place. So I said not a word, and I will continue to maintain military silence until which time she is willing to recant and understands that I have an equal stake in the relationship. When it comes to the game of mental warfare, I am someone who would scare the hell out of Sigmund Freud. I don't mean to, but hell, people put me into those positions, and I must defend myself. Many times, I am like the Minnow that ate the Whale. I may appear small, but I have a large bite, metaphorically speaking. That is to say I have engaged people with higher degrees of education than myself and wore them down with my silence. The secret? Some people have to talk their way into feeling superior. Me, I just allow them to look dumb, and then I get on with life. It is a profound slap in the face when someone realizes that the can not use their words the crack another person's shell. Consider the Rattle Snake and the Snapping Turtle. The Rattle Snake strikes and strikes, while the Snapping Turtle does nothing but stay in it's shell. As soon as the Rattle Snake is tired, the Snapping Turtle bites the head of the Rattle Snake. I allow the ones who believe themselves to be mentally stronger than I to be the Rattle Snake, while I am perfectly content in being the Snapping Turtle.

 

Well, enough of that. This Wednesday is nearly done, and tomorrow is another day. I wonder what adventures in observation will present themselves tomorrow. Let us see.

Tuesday, What A Wrap

NOVEMBER 17 2009 2112 - JACKSONVILLE FL - Well, today at work was not as bad as I had anticipated it to be. Really, it was not a bad day at all. Time just seemed to fly by, and there was nothing in the way of overly notable incidents to speak of.

 

Well, let me back up a little. There was that one phone call from a person who wanted to keep his identity a secret. I mean come on now, you are calling to discuss your account. That is something that simply can not be done if we do not know who the hell you are. Anyway, such is life I guess.

 

Other than that, the day just seemed to slip right by and before I knew it, time to shut down the computer had come.

 

Oh, there was one actually notable event. Got a text from my daughter telling me that my son decided to move back in with her. Guess he realized that the life of one living with friends is not all wine and roses. I am still working on getting an apartment, and he is still on my short list of roommate candidates.

 

Speaking of apartment shopping, I asked a coworker about the price she is paying for her rent. She has a two bedroom in a pretty nice neighborhood, a gated community. She told me $800, and I thought to myself $800 is not that bad at all. I mean divide it between two working guys (my son and I) that comes down to $400 per month a piece. Of course the utilities and food would have to be factored in, but all in all $800 between the two of us is workable. Well, I'll still have to check his temperature on the idea. In the mean time, I am content to continue my search. If I have to go at it alone, I want to be in as good of neighborhood as possible for as little money out of pocket as possible.

 

I can hear my wife stuffing something into suit cases. Like I said, she is not really bright. To get me out of here before it is time will take an eviction notice, and even with that I will have 30 days. Got to love these no fault laws here in Florida.

 

Hello Tuesday, Here I Come

NOVEMBER 17, 2009 0906 - JACKSONVILLE FL - Well, my impromptu vacation, better known as my Mental Health Day is officially over, and it is back to the normal grind at work.

 

I can almost tell you what I am expecting to see when I arrive at work today. There will most likely be a voice mail message or two, and my work log will have a minimum of two days worth of work in it. I am expecting people to flock my desk as if I am the only god to pharmacy.

 

Perhaps it will not be that hectic; but then again, who am I fooling? There really is no true balance, just subtle degrees of insanity. The trick is picking which degree appears to easier to tolerate.

 

Well, it is Tuesday, meaning the week is underway. By the way, I ended up at Dave and Busters last night, but did not stay for the game. The Ravens and the Browns were playing in Cleveland, so it really did not promise to be much of a game. I'll just get the play by play from my friends at work, like I usually do.

 

Ok, well, as they say in the Navy, it is time to Shift Colors and Get Underway.

Monday, Just Plain Monday

NOVEMBER 16, 2009 - JACKSONVILLE FL - I decided to take what I like to call a Mental Health Day. I had more than 90 available hours so I figured I could burn 8 of them without having an impact on my vacation planned for December.

 

So, what did I do today? In all honesty, absolutely nothing between the hours of 8:00 AM and 5:00 PM, but the day is still young.

 

With today being Monday, there is always Monday Night Football. Only question is where to go to watch it. I could go to Sneakers at the beach, but I was just there yesterday. There is Mudville Grill, but a lot of frat boys hang out there, and I really don't feel like cramming some Sigma's head up a Beta's butt. There's always Fast Boys, Dicks, and Hooters, but after a while wings tend to become a little passe. Maybe Dave & Busters is an option, but who knows.

 

Perhaps this will be more of a last minute decision. Some random choice made as I am driving around. Who really knows? Just another one of those play it by ear moments in life for me.

Seriously, No Kidding

Question for those who are observers of human nature; Is it just me, or are black women a natural walking set of contradictions? I mean especially when it comes to kids. A black woman is typically the first person to shout about how her man is not involved with his kids, yet black women are usually the main people trying to drive a wedge between a black man and his kids.

Ok, I think there is a need for me to qualify my statements. First, allow me to make it known that I am a black man, so this blog is not a racially motivated rant. Instead it is an observation based solely on experience. In this case, my direct and personal experience.

On Thursday, November 12th, my wife got upset because I said something to our son. She grabs him and says, "Come on, let's you and mommy go upstairs", and the tone of her voice was full of anger. Anger, which by the way, was directed at me. I asked why was she getting mad at me, to which she responds with a snotty comment.

I will be honest, I became enraged, but as a man of 44 years, I knew the best way to deal with my anger was to distance myself from the situation. So I did, I decided to sit in my truck and surf the net. When I entered the house, about 3 hours later, I felt it would be best if she and I slept in separate rooms. Again, a product of experience, because every intelligent black man knows you do not want to sleep next to a mad black woman. Hell, ask Al Green.

The next morning, I wake up and go about my daily routine. That routine being getting ready for work. By the way, the wife and I just happen to work for the same company. At the end of the day, I decided it best to go to Starbucks and use their free Internet connection because I had to put in a little work of the family travel business. I am not sure what I call it a family business became my MBA educated wife does not contribute to the efforts of building the business. In fact, to be an MBA, she knows very little about running a business at all. Thank you online education system. As a result, I am the one putting 95% of the effort into building the business. By the way, if there is anyone out there who knows how to collaborate effectively and is looking for a partnership, let's talk.

I arrive home and decide again to sleep in the second bedroom because the tension was still very think. Now the next morning, which was a Saturday, I am in the kitchen, and my son decided to follow me. My wife tells him not to follow me or go near me, and she comes and grabs him. Now this bull crap has been going on all weekend. She makes little comments like "Mommy will" and "Mommy does" and "Mommy is", so much to the fact that it is as if she is trying to make it look like the only parent in his life is mommy.

Now this is not the first time I have seen this kind of behavior. I grew up in the inner city of Washington Dc, and watch as a lot of my buddies were slandered and raked over the coals by vindictive women. The advantage I have over my buddies is experience through observation and a fundamental understanding of how the Child Support System works. You see, I do not have the two degrees like my wife, instead I have a Doctorate Level Experience in understanding the nature of people. While she was going through the motion of pretending to gain a higher level of education, I was busy studying people from a variety of walks of life. I may not have the paper, but I have the knowledge, and to me, knowing is 97% of the battle.

So here it is, my wife is trying to run an old Ghetto Game on me. She must have forgotten the conversations we had about my upbringing. She must have also forgotten the fact that I have a better grasp over the family financial engine than she does. My son is going to be set, because I have a growing bank account in his name. He is not going to find out about it until he is 25, but it is there and it is growing. As I previously stated, I watched the failures of my buddies and learned from them.

I cannot control the stupidity of certain people, but I can make it known that I am aware of what it is there are attempting to do. See, where knowing is 97% of the battle, the other 3% is preparation. I am looking for a two bedroom apartment which my older son and I can split the rent on. There's only a 24 year age difference between us, so it will be like two single guys kicking it together. Honestly, that is how it should have been from the beginning.