MARCH 18 2010 1753 - JACKSONVILLE FL - Well when the bad news comes, it rushes in like the waters from a broken levy swallowing up a small helpless town.
Still recovering from my surgery. My daughter came by to sit with me for a little while, and then my son came in. These are my adult children. As my daughter and I discussed dinner, I sent my son to the mail box. When he returned, there was a thick envelop in the pile. I opened that one because it was from the General Magistrate of Duval County.
In the envelop was a proposed order for Child Support, to be taken via payroll deductions. According to the documentation, I will be paying a total of $700 per month in regular child support and an additional $200 per month in arrearages. In other words a total of $900 per month, deducted in bi-weekly increments. I am presently bringing home only $1800.00 per month, out of which I have to pay rent, utilities, public transportation, oh yes, and I somehow have to buy food. This is not to mention that they are desiring to make me pay 50% of her liabilities because they were incurred during the course of our marriage.
Needless to say, this is going to destroy me financially, as I can see that I will not be able to afford the apartment, neither will I be able to afford a lesser apartment due to the fact that my credit is going to require me to put down up to 2 months worth of rent as a security deposit should I seek to move into a lesser apartment.
Still, I know God, and I know that God would not put me into anyplace that I can not afford, neither would God allow me to struggle to survive. What this means, because I am not going to contest the court order at all, but this means that I will have to find a way to cut cost even more than I have already. I am talking about extreme cuts, in all areas of spending. Yes, that means peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch, and perhaps dinner too. I will just have to pray that I can keep the few items of clothing I have in good repair. About the biggest challenge will be in the utilities, and telephone services, of which I am certain that I can find areas to cut cost as well.
I know it looks extremely bleak at the moment, but believe it or not, I do have a subtle advantage. See, my brothers and I grew up poor, or close to poverty, so we know how to survive in situations like this. In other words, these are not waters that are unfamiliar to me, my soon to be Ex-wife just thinks I am in unfamiliar waters. Truth of the matter is, I am used to doing without, and if I was able to survive then, I will be more than able to survive now. What is going to kill her is the fact that I am going to do it with a smile on my face.
I'd said once before, I may be down, but I am far from over. God give things for a season, and when that season is over, then we merely move on until the next season becomes known. From the aspect of seasons, I am about to enter into a cold winter of my life, but I do not worry, because I still have God to keep me warm. Give her the money, it is the blessing I have been praying that God would do for her. I am not going to change, I am still going to pray for her blessing, and I am still going to pray that God protects and keeps Ethan. Perhaps in the future she will introduce him to the father she wants him to know, since she did not feel that I was the right father for him.
Ironically, I am not bitter, although it is easy to see how one could become bitter. I am more so glad that this season is coming to an end. As I prayed and asked for forgiveness from God weeks ago, I will not interfere with her raising the boys. I will just fade away, with the only knowledge of me being the one who pays child support. I do thank God for the blessing of Ethan for the season I was allowed to share with him. I will not forget him; however, I must now bow out gracefully.
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