Orbiting The Olive Tree

MAY 30 2010 0555 - JACKSONVILLE FL - There was a break in the tension on yesterday, May 29, 2010. I really don't know what to make of it. Should I trust in the prospect, or should I continue to remain cautious and on guard for another possible attack.

 

As it turns out, my soon to be Ex-Wife was admitted to the hospital for preclampsia. Of course, as a result of that, the baby she was pregnant with had to be delivered a month earlier than scheduled. I guess it was either that, or she would have died, so the doctors did what they had to do.

 

She sent me a picture via text message, but I elected not to look at it. I was not permitted to be part of the pregnancy, so I do not feel spiritually connected to the baby. Ironically, it will be that way until the day that I die. It is not the child's fault, but I am a soul who requires a spiritual connection which those who I accept as family. As it stands, the child is blood, nothing more, nothing less.

 

I responded to her text message, and we exchanged several texts. There was no real deep substance to the text message, just that we communicated over the course of perhaps 15 minutes. 

 

I really don't know how I should feel. At this point I am extremely indifferent. My entire life has been my placing my trust in one person or another only to be the one who is hurt in the process. I have given so much of me, and I am at the point that I really do not feel there is anything left to give. I mean, I want to let my guard down, but I fear the ramifications of such an action. How do I know that she is not waiting for me to lower my guard just enough for her lawyer to do serious damage to me. They are already taking $900 a month from me, and I am barely able to survive as it is. No, at this point it is not wise to let my guard down.

I can not say that I am happy, neither can I say that I am sad. I can only say that I am content at this point in time. I am still feeling that there is a need for life change, and as such I am placing my trust in God to provide me with the guidance and direction regarding that life change. I do not know what it is, nor do I know when to expect it, I only know that I should expect it. Life, at times, is such a convoluted mess.