Orbiting The Olive Tree

MAY 30 2010 0555 - JACKSONVILLE FL - There was a break in the tension on yesterday, May 29, 2010. I really don't know what to make of it. Should I trust in the prospect, or should I continue to remain cautious and on guard for another possible attack.

 

As it turns out, my soon to be Ex-Wife was admitted to the hospital for preclampsia. Of course, as a result of that, the baby she was pregnant with had to be delivered a month earlier than scheduled. I guess it was either that, or she would have died, so the doctors did what they had to do.

 

She sent me a picture via text message, but I elected not to look at it. I was not permitted to be part of the pregnancy, so I do not feel spiritually connected to the baby. Ironically, it will be that way until the day that I die. It is not the child's fault, but I am a soul who requires a spiritual connection which those who I accept as family. As it stands, the child is blood, nothing more, nothing less.

 

I responded to her text message, and we exchanged several texts. There was no real deep substance to the text message, just that we communicated over the course of perhaps 15 minutes. 

 

I really don't know how I should feel. At this point I am extremely indifferent. My entire life has been my placing my trust in one person or another only to be the one who is hurt in the process. I have given so much of me, and I am at the point that I really do not feel there is anything left to give. I mean, I want to let my guard down, but I fear the ramifications of such an action. How do I know that she is not waiting for me to lower my guard just enough for her lawyer to do serious damage to me. They are already taking $900 a month from me, and I am barely able to survive as it is. No, at this point it is not wise to let my guard down.

I can not say that I am happy, neither can I say that I am sad. I can only say that I am content at this point in time. I am still feeling that there is a need for life change, and as such I am placing my trust in God to provide me with the guidance and direction regarding that life change. I do not know what it is, nor do I know when to expect it, I only know that I should expect it. Life, at times, is such a convoluted mess.

Middle Of May And All Is OK

MAY 17 2010 0712 - JACKSONVILLE FL - Well, so here we are. More than half way through the month of May, and nearly half way through the year. It is so amazing that these years are just seeming to slip by barely noticed. I think it has a lot to do with my present age, but then again, what do I know.

 

I decided I would check out Robin Hood over the weekend, and so I did on Saturday May 15th. I am going to say this. Although I know many will not agree with me, I thought the movie was poorly directed, and verging on boring at times. In fact, I felt the movie was so boring that I found myself nodding off at times. There is nothing like a long and boring movie to put people to sleep. It is no wonder why Iron Man 2 completely ran over Robin Hood in the box office this weekend.

 

Yesterday was a church day, and the service was wonderful. It was our Youth Sunday, and the kids usually put on a great service. Of course the highlight was a dance routine by the Brothers Through Christ, which is our church's all male praise dance team. Those your men are super talented, and I tell there leader constantly that they really need to keep it up, because they are the foundation that will inspire the younger boys to pursue positive endeavors as well. We, our church, played host to the Allen Christian Fellowship, but due to system related issues, we were forced to cut that short. Still, it was an excellent day to be in the house of the Lord.

 

Now, for the event that irritated me on yesterday. As I was walking towards the bus station, I passed this vagabond, who just happened to be white. He asked how I was doing, to which I said I am fine, and I kept walking. That was when the fool said "You got any money My Nigger". Now, I could have just jammed my foot down his throat at that point, but I opted to give him a stern warning. I said to him "You need to watch your mouth, and I am not Your Nigger". That should have been it, right? One would think, but the fool continued to fan the flames by saying "I Asked You A Question" and before he could finish his sentence I said to him "I don't care what you were doing. You need to watch your mouth, and I am not YOUR NIGGER". Evidently he was not as dumb as I thought him to be, because he was smart enough to take my second warning and shut the heck up. There was not to be another warning, for my next action would have been to beat him so badly that the paramedics would have needed a spatula to scrape him up off of the group. I am the kind of person who believes in giving two warnings before I strike.

 

I don't know why there are so many stupid people in America, but I am on a personal crusade to let them know that I do not agree with their overall lack of intelligence. Where most would turn the other cheek, or tuck tail and flee like a frightened dog, I on the other hand am not afraid to show that I am willing to bite if need be. That idiotic vagabond almost found that out first hand. One of these days I am going to discover why it is that people seem to think I am something to play with all the time. Well, my name is not Milton Bradley, and I am not kin to the Parker Brothers. Times out for the games people.

First Day Of May

MAY 1 2010 0918 - JACKSONVILLE FL - Here we are, the first day of May in the year of our Lord 2010. Tell me this year is not just running away from us. Before we know it, summer will be upon us. Truly amazing.

 

So, just what has been going on with me. Well, let me start with yesterday, being the last day of April 2010. I went to a Physical Therapy appointment, at 7:00 AM in the morning. Yes indeed, talk about a long day for me. Anyway, I thought the session went very well. For one of the exercises, the Therapist asked me to march in place. I was like No Problem at all. So I did what she asked, and I hit them with some of those Snap-N-Drive EWC Tiger 90's. Needless to say, they were very impressed, and even commented that I ought to be their marching instructor. God is really good, for he made sure that my pure marching form is returning. Wow, I miss those days of popping 90's on the football field. Well, those days are gone, but it sure felt good to know that I still have then ability.

 

Today is moving day for me. I am actually just moving from one apartment to another, but still it is moving day. I am waiving goodbye to this 2 Bedroom Townhouse, and moving into a smaller 1 Bedroom 1 Bath apartment. The main reason for the move is obvious, I have to position myself for survival seeing that my ex-wife is going to try to destroy me financially. You know, Black women tend to complain when Black men date and marry White women, but I am going to be really honest with you, Black women do not know how to respect Black men. Most Black women get a good Black man, and she does everything to make his life miserable, regardless of how good that Black man treats her. White women, on the other hand are raised with better esteem, and tend to realize that respect is reciprocal. Most White women give respect when they get respect, and give respect to get respect. That is what is lacking in most Black women of our present day.

 

Why did I make that statement about Black men and White women? Well, for years I have considered dating outside of my race. I did not act on it because Black Women used guilt to convince me to stay within my own race. So I would continue to date Black Women, and continue to get stepped on by Black Women. That can not continue to occur in my life. I have reached a point where I am just sick and tired of being played a fool so some Black Woman can look good in the eyes of her friends. Basically, the bullshit flag has been raised, and now I am looking in other directions.

 

Believe me, I would like nothing better than to maintain faith in my Black Women, but let's be realistic here for a moment. You have two people, both making $35000 per year, and were able to survive on their own. The two get married, thus creating a combined income of more than $70000, and all of a sudden bills are hard to meet, and there is not enough money to handle the basic bills? Something is wrong with that picture, wouldn't you say? That means that one person, or the other, was spending money on things that did not matter in the family. In other words, one person, or the other assumed that $70000 per years meant that she could spend money on anything she wanted. So, what became the end result? Well I am having to pay the IRS $2500 plus a $65 under payment penalty because I had to adjust my payroll deductions to M9 (Married plus 9 Dependents) just to be sure that we had sufficient money coming into the house each month. Even with that, the bills became unmanageable. Since I have been living on my own, I am finding that I am able to balance my finances very well. See, I am not one who lives on or desires superfluous items, all I need are the basics. Things like food, lights, clothing, water, bus transportation are all that I need to live and be happy. My father was a frugal kind of man, and I thank God that I got that from him. Now because I am able to find a balance, that reveals one key fact, that fact being I am not the one who was wreaking havoc with the family finances. Simple process of elimination.

 

So, why was the discussion about family finances important? For the same reason as the discussion about Black Men and White Women was. In many cases, most White Women know how to balance a family budget, where as most Black Women don't. When it comes down the family finances in the eyes of a White Women, it is a team effort, and they talk to their partners in depth about how best to balance the budget. Black Women keep secrets when it comes to money. Black Women only tell their partners what they want them to know, and then get mad when the money gets tight. White Women use the Zig Ziggler approach when it comes to spending, as they identify the Want, the Need, and the DBM (Dominate Buying Motive), and from there most White Women typically spend based on the need. Black Women, on the other had, spend based on the want, and then they conceal what they spent the money on, and blame the spouse or partner when the money runs out. So, in my case, had I elected to date and marry outside of my race before I married Paula, I would probably not be in the situation I am in now. One can best believe that Paula represents the last straw when it comes to dating, or marrying Black Women. From this point on, a Black Woman is nothing more to me than a mere cuddy buddy, no relationship, just a simple hit it and quit it. My next serious relationship will not be with a Black Woman. If this makes Black Women mad at me, too bad, you really should learn how to treat a Black Man, and perhaps so many of us would not consider dating women of other races.