Creative Writing: Think The Grass Is Greener?

APRIL 27 2010 2339 - JACKSONVILLE FL - I drifted into one of my creative writing moods again. This usually occurs after I come up with a quick saying, something which I call a Thought Of The Day.  Well, I have not let myself down. Let me introduce you to a little something I am calling:

Surprise, Surprise!

          Lance Maxwell had it all going on for himself. He had a successful legal practice, a beautiful wife who worked with him, and three wonderful children. Lance did not lack anything material, as evidence by his $500,000 home, and brand new S-Class Mercedes Benz. Indeed, one would be inclined to say that Lance had all that he needed to have a happy life.

          Each day, exactly at noon, Lance and his lovely wife of 20 years would share lunch together, during which time, Lance would showcase his beautiful wife as if she were a model fresh off of the run way.  Lance was truly a happy man; however, and as fate would have it, that all changed after Lance’s firm hired a new Paralegal named Toni.

Although he was married, Lance would be the very first to point out that he was not dead, and it was not long before Lance’s eyes, like those of the other male employees, began to find Toni attractive. How could they help it? Toni was, by all indications, the truest example of the total package.

With her long, slender legs, fair skin, hazel eyes and extremely perky breast, Toni became a magnet for many would be suitors, including Lance.  Like the other would be suitors, Lance was determined to make his interest in Toni known.

Not wanting to draw undue attention to his scheme, Lance conveniently scheduled client appointments for later in the day, and ensured that he had suitable Paralegal support. Lance figured this would provide him with the best opportunity to connecting with Toni, especially since his wife normally left for home at 4:30 in the afternoon.

On one particular evening, after his last client for the day, Lance approached Toni to compliment her on the excellent work she’d been doing for the firm. As a way of thanking Toni for going the extra mile to ensure that the firm was productive, Lance invited Toni to dinner at a local restaurant. Toni thought the request to be a little odd, but opted to accept the invitation as a harmless gesture from a grateful employer.

Lance and Toni dined at a local TGI Friday’s, and even shared a few drinks together. Being a man with urges, and noticing the inviting look in Toni’s eyes, Lance suggested that they get a hotel room for the evening, as neither was in any condition to drive after the drinks they had. Again Toni agreed, but this time with less reluctance that previously expressed with the offer for dinner.

Lance and Toni checked into a local Hilton Garden Inn hotel within walking distance from the TGI Fridays, and being the enterprising type of guy he was, Lance made sure that the room had a single King Sized bed with no other sleeping accommodations.

They entered the room and Lance went to take a shower, while Toni sipped on a glass of wine. Toni went into the shower after Lance emerged from the bathroom, and Lance jumped into the bed and wrapped up tightly in the covers. Lance also turned the light out to set the mood for the evening.

Toni emerged from the bathroom, and walked slowly over to the unoccupied side of the bed. The Toni slowly disrobed and slip under the covers. Without a doubt, Lance could hardly contain himself, so he reached his right hand around Toni’s waste only to discover that Toni was actually a Tony. Even more to his surprise, Toni or Tony believed that Lance was already aware, and that Lance was into Toni’s kind of lifestyle. Perhaps if Lance would have checked the Human Resources File, he would not have found himself in such a precarious situation.

Needless to say, there is a moral to this story. The Grass Is Always Greener On The Other Side, Until You Jump The Fence And Find You That Are Standing On Artificial Turf.

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Wasted Minutes

APRIL 24 2010 2246 - JACKSONVILLE FL - Something strange happened to me yesterday, and I guess I really should have written about it then, but I just allowed it to slip my mind briefly. Perhaps all I needed was a little time to just think about what happened, kind of like processing it to determine if what I thought happened is what really happened. I know I am just talking in circles, but events like this tend to boggle the mind.

Here is what happened. I was off from work yesterday. Well I went into the office briefly to move a piece of work off of my desk because, between you, me and the fence post, I don't feel that I can trust many of my coworkers to pick up the reigns after I let them go, if you know what I mean. Anyway, after leaving work, I came back to the house, and just relaxed for the most part until it was about time for me to go to my follow up appointment with my Orthopedic doctor. Now the appointment was at 3:00 PM yesterday, which meant that I had to catch the 2:12 PM U2 bus at the corner of University and Atlantic Blvd.

As I waited for the bus, a lady who also works at my job, but on a part time basis, walked up and sat at the bus stop. She and I ride the bus into work most mornings, so that was not anything out of the ordinary. She also knows that soon to be ex-wife of mine, and she is aware of our current status. Again, nothing out of the ordinary.

We waited for the same bus, the Southbound U2. As we waited, I chatted briefly on the phone with a friend of mine, and the coworker just sat there minding her business. I got off of the phone, and noticed that there was some guy who was taking pictures of the Wendy's that the bus stop was in front of. I assumed he had his reasons, so I did not pay him any attention. The coworker, however, did, and she noticed that the man took a few pictures of she and I as we were waiting at the bus stop. As the man walked towards his 2007 or 2008 Silver Chevrolet Camero, the coworker said to me that the man had taken several pictures of us.

At this point, I became very curious. The man drove through the Wendy's parking lot and out through the drive thru lane. I snapped a quick picture of him on my camera phone, because turn about is fair play, or at least that is what I have been taught. I also captured his license plate, Florida Tag P61 BPD. My coworker was shaken by the man's actions because she, like me, tends to be a very private person. I told her I would find out who the person was.

What the man did not know is that I have friends in low places. As it turns out, the License Tag came back as belonging to a Private Detective affiliated with Attorney Thomas Treece, my soon to be ex-wife's lawyer. Yes people, the heifer thought I was going to be stupid and not do my homework. She must have forgotten that I have ways of finding out just about everything.

So here we are. Her Lawyer thinks he has photos alleging infidelity on my part, and all he really has is nothing more than Peter Parker trying to get a shot of Spiderman. Now, I am sure they are going to Photoshop the pictures, I expect nothing less from people like that. I also expect those pictures to be used in some sort of slanderous attack on me. Long and the short of it is my ex-wife, yeah I'll call her my ex-wife now, anyway, she is trying to get me to fight her, and I am just not going to give her ignorant butt the satisfaction.

So, my ex-wife has this group of people who give her poor advice. I have been fighting and winning mental wars the majority of my life. She does not have the wits to deal with me when it comes to a mental battle. Instead, she'd rather have a physical or verbal battle so she can try to over power me with her lawyer's debating skills. I could give her the satisfaction of a verbal altercation, but you know, I gain more ground by not engaging her verbally. Bottom line is she wants to prove that she can break me, and she is finding out that I am not so easy to break. In other words she is getting bad advice.

So, the question now is what do I do about the most recent assault on me? My answer? Nothing. I am going to let her feel like she's won a victory, even though she actually lost. You see, I promised my coworker that I will let her know what I discovered. So on Monday, the 26th, I am going to tell her that the guy was a private detective, which he was, and he was hired by Paula's (ooops, I was trying not to use names), lawyer.  As I previously stated, she knows my ex-wife, so imagine how that will back fire on my ex-wife. If you can not see behind enemy lines, you may not want to throw that grenade, because there just might be a tank ready to fire right back at you.

What I find to be most amazing is the fact that she claims she is suffering financially, yet she has enough money to hire a private detective. Those people do not work for free, in fact a typical retainer for a private detective is right around $700, and they bill by the hour plus other expenses as deemed necessary. Considering I made him, the detective is most likely going to get rid of license tag P61 BPD and get a new tag, so rest assured he will be adding that cost in the to fees he is charging Paula. One of these days she is going to wake up and realize that her country butt is just plain outclassed.

Just Go

APRIL 22 2010 2155 - JACKSONVILLE FL - Have you ever sat and thought to yourself that maybe it is time to just make some major, yet impromptu change in your life? You know, just throw caution to the wind, and take that one big leap of faith. No, I am not talking about marriage. God knows I have screwed up enough of those to last me a lifetime. I mean taking some other big step, one that you would never have considered yourself to be capable of taking at any point in your life. Well, that is kind of where I am now in life.

You know, we get up in the morning. Some of us get ready for work. We travel anywhere from 1 to more than 100 miles away from home, and give 8 to 10 hours of our life per day to some ungrateful bastard who would much rather fling a booger at us, than to take the time to get to know our names. Yet, regardless of the treatment, we still flock to the same job, day in and day out, like a kitten to a bowl of milk, and we smile as if it is the best thing since the invention of sliced bread. Well, I got news for you, there is so much more to life than the daily act of pimping ourselves to some stuffed shirts with deep pockets.

A friend of my brother and I were talking one time, and I brought of the fact that I feel as if I am living an unfulfilled life, yet I am not sure how to seek fulfillment. I mean, I have things in my life which I value very highly. My relationship with God, the love of my children, my wonderful grand children, a job that gives me just enough to get by. You know, all of the basic bullshit that the more affluent tell us is the way to fruitfully fulfilling life. Yeah right, these are the same individuals who were born into a 6 to 7 figure bank account, so what do they know about a fulfilling life other than what mommy and daddy bought for them? My brother's friend said to me that I should just go. I looked at him like he was freaking retarded. Go? Go where? Was he telling me to ju st get out of his face? If he was, then what a big arking bastard he is. As it turned out, he meant nothing of the sort.

Unbeknownst to me, my brother's friend had just returned to the United States after spending 5 years living in London. In other words, one day he just said the hell with it and jumped on a plane to London. Just like that. No worrying about family, no concern about his current employment or lack of future employment, heck not even a clear picture of where to stay when he arrived in London. Nope, none of that, he just woke up one day and said to himself that he was going to London. To me, that took a big ole pair of brass ones, but it all worked out for him. He scored a gig as a bartender, and introduced his music to the good folk of London, and from what I am to understand he had a great experience over in merry ole England. Just Go, it was as simple as that Just Go. Throw caution to the wind, or just screw caution all together. Just Go. Wow I thoug ht, what a profound philosophy.

When a person actually thinks about it, most people who successfully start new lives in new worlds thought the same way. When told they could not worship the way they liked, the Pilgrims thought "Let's Just Go", boarded a ship called the Mayflower, and the rest as as we like to say History. If 4 teen musicians had not decided to Just Go to America, I would like the think that Paul would have never sprouted Wings.

Maybe there is some validity to the notion to Just Go. Nothing preplanned at all. Just walk into an Airport with passport and bags in hand, and flip a coin. Heads to the east, Tails to the west. Or perhaps just take a trans-atlantic of trans-pacific  cruise one way to another country, and stay there one you arrive. Now that sounds adventurous, dangerous, but adventurous. How many times have I wished I would have stayed in Australia or the Philippines when I was a young sailor. How I've thought about joining the crew of a merchant vessel to just work my way across the ocean to Africa, or Spain, or some other exotic destination.

Like everyone, I want to know that my life is worth something, and that I have done something note worthy before the day in which I draw my last breath. I am tired of doing the work of the man for little to no recognition, while the butt kissers of our society reap all of the benefits. I am tired of my intellectual property being stolen and peddled as the idea of some young hot shot who is stuck in the muck and the mire of the Master / Slave type of professional relationship. Hell, I am just tired of seeing everyone else has something great to talk about, while I am stuck with the memory of marching down Sunset Blvd as the member of a High School Marching Band. Darn It! I want my life to mean something, if to no one else, then just to me. I want to be able to look back and say yes I did that. Perhaps I should take the advice of my brother's friend and Just Go.

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Analyzing Me

APRIL 18 2010 2217 - JACKSONVILLE FL - Here we are, coming to the end of another Sunday, which has not been too different from every other Sunday since I was forced out of her house in November 2009. I just follow the same ole rutt of a routine. Eat dinner, surf the net, watch Battlestar Galactica, and then Animation Domination on Fox. Yep, same ole dull routine. Nothing exciting, or at least nothing outwardly note worthy.

I know that there is really nothing in my power that I can really do regarding the situation, other than allow God to work through it on my behalf. With as much grand standing that I do at times, I am actually more bark than I am bite. Truth be known, I cannot stand confrontation. I deplore conflict in any way, shape, or form. Perhaps that is the problem that seems to plague my life, and perhaps it is the very reason why I find it hard to see things through until the end.

I mean I must face the facts, when ever the opp osition becomes a little too much to bear, I just tuck tail and run. Well, maybe that is a little harsh, but the honest fact is that I will not stand my ground if I am dealing with a cause that I feel is futile. Does that make me a weak man? Can I even call myself a man?

I stand and wonder why I am not respected, even by the very people to whom I give much respect. Regardless of how respectful I am to others, I am often regarded as someone trivial in the eyes of the rest of the world. It is as if I am from a completely different planet, and my spaceship just so happened to crash land on Earth in 1965. Truth be known, I cannot honestly recall a time where I actually seemed to fit in, regardless of the environment, or the situation. Sure I would try to force myself to fit in, but even then I was just not getting it.

I am not dumb by any stretch of imagination, although my intelligence seems to be derived from my ability to analyze my environment, and extrapolate key items which I then interpret to discover what is true and what is false. Yes, I can hold intelligent conversations, but I still feel like an outsider, as if I walked into some exclusive club, and I am the subject of scrutiny because I walked into the club.

Why am I made to experience this kind of life? I've suffered three failed marriages, and I am just not really any good at interpersonal relationships. I do what I think is right, but in the eyes of everybody else, everything I do is wrong. I am the poster boy for ostracizing, if that is even a word. And that is another thing, I create words that just fit into the context of conversations I am involved in. It is not as if I've heard the words before, but they just come to me, seemingly out of the blue.

I feel as if I am the ultimate social outcast. Everyone would rather attack me than be a real friend or try to relate. People are afraid to talk to me, they look at me as if I am an intellectual threat to them. I assure you that I am not. I am just a simple soul, a simple spirit, one that loves and appreciates the value of real and honest communication. You know, I just realized. In three marriages, I have not had one wife who was truly my intellectual equal. Even this last one, who has a Masters Degree, even she is unable to hold an intelligent conversation with me. Instead, she mumbles, and then she blames me for a breakdown. Am I really that bad? If so, why am I made to open my eyes in the morning? Why not just remove me from the Earth, and restore the precious balance that it appears I have upset by my mere presence?

I commune with God daily, and in many cases several times a day. I feel as I can talk directly to God, as if I am having a conversation with another human being. I can hear God respond to my questions and my concerns. I can honestly hear him. I know that there are people who will think of me as crazy, but I can honestly as God about something tha t I have either done, or may have been thinking of doing, and I can actually hear God respond. Many times God reminds me that he is working on the situation and that I need to be patient, and so I do, I maintain my patience. Other times, God responds to me and either gives me an answer, or initiates a Socratic style of questioning that helps me to either find to solution, or think a little deeper into what is actually going on at the time. I know a lot of people will think of me as crazy, or missing a few screws, or perhaps one joker short of the full deck, but to me it is real.

At times I tend to feel that maybe my issues are the result of me being born into a virtually Pagan society, but I know I cannot say that with any degree of certainty. All that I do know for a fact is that I do not seem to fit in, anywhere, and I cannot understand why. I will be honest, there are times I wish I'd never been born at all, and there are times I wish I'd just not wake up t he next morning. Sometimes I get the feeling the the world would be a better place without me. I am almost certain that nobody of any real consequence would miss me. Nope, to the world I would be just another dead and insignificant nigger who was breathing the air that someone who is truly worth a damn could have been using.

Then I get to thinking that perhaps I need to be isolated on a deserted island somewhere away from this society that does not appreciate who I am. Maybe I was just born to be alone. I do not need to be anyone's father, anyone's husband, brother, uncle, cousin, I do not need to be anything to anyone because I am just bad for everyone.

So, who do I blame for what I am enduring? I can blame no one other than myself, because I am not able to read minds and see what it is that people want me to be. It is obvious that they do not want me to be me. Maybe I am just meant to be a slave to an uncaring world. A world of liars, thieves, cheate rs, cut throats, evil minded bastards who are only in it for themselves.

I think I have put the finger on m problem. I care too much. That's it, I just care too dog gone much, and no one else cares. I am certain that no one really cares about me. Some sense of community. Maybe I should just stop caring, and just accept things at face value. Maybe I should stop showing love, and compassion for my fellow man, especially in light of the fact that my fellow man does not see me as such.

Maybe I should only be concerned about how God sees me, and base my assessment of myself on the standard that God has outlined for me. When the world cares not for me, God loves me and cares for me. This could be my spiritual wake up call. Only God knows for certain, I am just a traveler, wandering on the road that he has laid out for me.

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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

APRIL 12 2010 2045 - JACKSONVILLE FL - Just sitting here, entertaining a few random thoughts, honestly about nothing in particular.

Why is breaking up so hard to do? Really, I mean have you ever taken a moment to really think about it? The hardest word to say in the entire english language I appears to be the word goodbye.

People put up fronts, yes even me, for I know that I have put up my share of fronts in life, and indeed I still put up fronts even to this day. For me, my fronts are walls of self imposed protection, kind of like a shield to safeguard me from harm. What harm? Perhaps the shield is to protect me from my own fears.

In truth, for many of us a break up amounts to nothing more than a failure, and failure is something that 80% of us fear. No one likes failure, indeed no one likes to admit that he or she has reached an end.

I think Neil Diamond said it best, Breaking Up Is Hard To Do. Funny, for it to be so difficult, so many people seem to get a big kick out of doing it, breaking up, that is. I do not expect breaking up will ever become easy.